The Day I Remembered Me

February 11, 2011.  After nearly eight years of marriage to a Narcissist, I remembered me…and left the nightmare of Narcissistic abuse.

Little did I realize I’d been drawn to him partly because of my innate desire to help and heal others.  You see, I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), an Empath, and INFJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).  I was also an unaware co-dependent, and it took a relationship with a cluster-B disordered personality to bring all those tendencies to the surface.

Like me, individuals who share these traits feel such depth of emotion and love towards other people that we believe we can heal them. Because of our tireless efforts to help others believe in themselves, we are often successful in aiding them in overcoming issues of low self-esteem and disempowerment.  Only, with a Narcissist, it’s never enough.  They are empty inside; virtual bottomless vessels.

By the time I left, the depth of trauma caused by emotional and cruel verbal abuse produced symptoms of PTSD – which developed due to the cruelty of abandonment, betrayal, silent treatments, accusations, and the devaluing and discarding that takes place, not to mention being constantly subjected to crazy making behaviors within the relationship.  I suffered from cripplingly low self-esteem and thought I was never good enough, regardless of my accomplishments.  I was in a constant state of anxiety and depression.  These feelings were intensified due to my being an HSP.

Soon after leaving, I was stalked, harassed, spent a night in jail (for charges which were later dismissed), and lost two jobs.  I’d lost faith in myself, my dreams, and was a mere shell of the person I’d been before I met him.

But those are all things of the past.

I write this as a message of hope for sufferers of Narcissistic abuse.  You may feel you’re worthless, unlovable, and that things will never change.  I’m here to tell you they can, but only for you – and only after you leave.  After my “escape”, I graduated from college, am a certified Teacher, Law of Attraction practitioner, Chakra Healer, completing a program to be a Spiritual Healer, have started a practice to help others detach and move forward from Narcissistic abuse, and am pursuing my dream of being a published author. My children are happy, I’m happy, and life has never been better.

If you or someone you know is in a relationship with a Narcissist, I must tell you that they will never change.  The most constructive thing you can do is stop trying to “fix” them and the relationship.  Turn all of that love and caring onto yourself because your love will never make a difference to them.

In closing, I leave you with this moving song, which for me, is symbolic of the hopelessness of being in a relationship with a Narcissist…

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  1. Anonymous

    I feel like an empty shell after leaving my ex after 30 years. It hurts me when my adult kids side with him, because they lived with this crazy, angry, blame me for everything husband. He ” performs” that he’s been the best dad & now grandpa. They fall for that performance. Frustrating!! I recently helped my youngest son get out of a narcissistic relationship & now have opened up the old wounds that never healed completely in me. I’m struggling on my own so far.

  2. Carrie Reimer

    As you can probably guess Kim I can relate so well on all levels, from always helping others to reach their potential (I always felt I had more to give, that I was strong enough to help others and still have enough left for me and I always did until I met a Narcissist) It took him 10 years but eventually he depleted me and discarded me. I can’t even describe the emptiness and complete devastation, but I know you know what I am talking about.
    But like you, I have rebuilt myself and now have no regrets because it brought me where I am today and I don’t think that would have been possible if not for the N or psychopath, tearing me down to nothing and having to do an honest inventory of myself and my past.
    Now I live my life with peace, faith and gratitude, looking forward with hope and optimism, feeling so eternally thankful for my wonderful son, my granddaughter, where I live and every breath I take. The only thing that will make my life better is if I get my funding to go back to school so I can get my diploma as a Life Skills Wellness Coach.
    You are an inspiration!! Don’t ever doubt you are changing the world for the better!

  3. Pingback: LMR Saturday Survivor – Inspirational Stories from the Front Line | Let Me Reach with Kim Saeed

  4. amildcaseofdeath

    It’s impossible to find help and a person to talk to who understands this once you’ve realized it! 🙁

    1. Kim Saeed

      Hi there, AMCOD,

      I offer coaching and consultations if you’d be interested…

      You’re right, it’s very difficult to find good help <3

      1. amildcaseofdeath

        I am interested, right now it’s more just that there’s no way to explain this to someone who hasn’t experienced it and that’s frustrating because it makes me feel even crazier and like it’s not real. Even my therapist doesn’t get the seriousness. I don’t know what you offer or if you are connected to anyone I could just talk it out with. I’m more at the stage of shock of the realization that that’s what everything was/is right now…i even contacted the shelter here and they are going to have to find someone who is educated in this. It’s too bad it’s like a trap in a trap in a trap that way.

  5. Pingback: 5 Signs You’re Being Targeted By A Narcissist | Let Me Reach

  6. Rahburt

    one of my favorite songs. good for for finally getting yourself out of that one sided relationship. i can relate on the level of giving more than i got out of past relationships also.

    1. Kimberly Raya

      Thanks, Rahburt, for your sharing your thoughts. It’s difficult when one realizes they’ve been used and abused…BUT, I am in a much better place now with a combination of prayer and raising my vibration and awareness. We truly are capable of anything, including YOURSELF 🙂

      1. Rahburt

        you are right. a lot of times our struggles are the very things that make us the stronger person we are today. thank you for that last comment! 🙂

  7. prog4

    I am glad to hear that you have escaped. I wish you well for the future.

  8. Kimberly Raya

    I can entirely relate. I’m glad you’ve moved on. Many people never really overcome the trauma associated with these types of relationships. Looks like you’re one of the lucky ones 🙂

  9. A Table in the Sun

    Quite similar to my 25 years with a sociopath. I learned early on to keep the peace by never speaking up, smoothing every bump, and aiming for non-resistance at all times. I found me after a completely unexpected disappearing act by a man I realized that I never knew. Yeh….he fooled me. But I count the divorce as a turning point to a new and decidedly more REAL life.

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