narcissist lies to control you

Revealed! 6 Lies Narcissists Tell (The Short-List)

If you’ve found yourself in the unfortunate company of a Narcissist, you’ve undoubtedly discovered their innate ability to lie without blinking an eye.  Narcissists lie for a variety of reasons, but the main reason (while immature) is simple.  If he or she lies and gets away with it, they interpret this as their being clever and superior to others.  In short, it’s a means to demonstrate how brainless others are.  A sincere and honest person is viewed by the Narcissist as a weak chump who deserves to be manipulated.

Wondering if your significant other could be a Narcissist?  Read the following list of their favorite lies to determine if your partner fits the mould.

  1. I can’t imagine my life without you.” (or, “I’ve grown so attached to you”, “You’re in my blood”) –   Sadly, victims of Narcissistic abuse believe their partner really cares about them when hearing this.  The truth is, when the Narcissist says this, it doesn’t mean they love you (they don’t know that emotion).  It only means you’ve been a pawn in their deceptive lies and it will take them too much time and effort to find a suitable replacement.  The other candidates caught on to the game and left the Narcissist high and dry.  If you meant so much to them, then why the adulterous affairs…the manipulation?  Pay attention to actions, not words.
  2.  Did you just see them take your money off of the dresser and put it in their wallet?  “Didn’t happen”.  When confronted, they have a convenient response, “I was just checking for my _______ (receipt, card, license, fill in the blank).  I didn’t see your money.  You must have put it somewhere else”.  This is not only a lie constructed to keep your money; it’s also a form of gaslighting, an abuse tactic they employ to keep their victims unsure of themselves.  Rest assured they are likely telling your friends and acquaintances that you’re losing your mind, perhaps bringing up the event during a social gathering.  They never miss a chance to lay the groundwork.
  3. Everyone kept telling me about you, but I didn’t want to believe them”. – This lie has several purposes.  First, to make you believe the Narc is the only one on your side (so you’ll blindly put your faith in them).  Secondly, to make you lose faith in yourself as a human being.  Third, so you will systematically withdraw from your friends and acquaintances so that the only person in your life (and thus, your only influence) will be the Narcissist.
  4. You’re the only person who misunderstands me” – This is a sub-tactic of the gaslighting technique.  It is usually combined with, “I didn’t say that”, “You misunderstood me”, “You’re too sensitive”, “I didn’t mean it like that”…when, in fact, they very well meant it like that.  The Narcissist does this in order to control your emotions and behavior.  Over time, he plants seeds of doubt in your mind about the validity of your own feelings and perceptions.  Eventually, most victims stop trusting their own judgment and begin to accept whatever the Narcissist says as the truth, which leads you (the victim) to become confused and compliant.
  5. You are choosing to feel badly about what I did/said”. – They’ve just told you that they didn’t buy that house or that car you looked at together because you’re not a good or decent person.  When you naturally feel saddened and hurt by their comment, it’s suddenly your fault, not theirs.  This allows the Narcissist to take no responsibility for their hurtful comments and simultaneously put the blame back on you.  By the way, you’re not “choosing” to feel hurt; it is a natural response to cruelty.
  6. The Unnecessary Lie – This lie is in a category all its own.  Often, Narcissists lie for no reason.  When you find your partner doing this, even when you can disprove it, it’s because their lying has become pathological.  They simply don’t know how to tell the truth about anything anymore.

If you find your partner taking part in these disdainful behaviors, you should consider leaving the relationship.  There is absolutely no incentive for him or her to change.  Life is nothing but a game to them, and all the people they encounter are pawns.  This includes their parents, friends, and even their own children.

I can tell you from my own experience, and that of the many clients I’ve worked with, that staying with a Narcissist will only destroy you.  They not only destroy your ability to function normally; the chronic, long-term abuse leads to physical diseases such as adrenal fatigue.  Do yourself a favor, turn your love and caring onto yourself and start planning your exit strategy.

Copyright 2016.  Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach.


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  1. Anonymous

    I’m 80years old with cancer and my wife does not care about at all she hope I die and she gets everything 38years hurt hate

  2. Karlene

    Scenario 1 ( (this really happened, many times)

    Me: “why did you do that? Do you know how disrespectful that is to me?”

    Him: “what disrespect? I cant be blamed if YOU CHOOSE to feel disrespected”

    Scenario 2 (this really happened, many times)
    Me: you had me waiting for half and hour

    Him:” I dont know what youre talking about”
    (this is after asking me to pick him up, and after me indicating as soon as i get to his building, that im outside. He gets into the car ans offwrs no apology for having me sitting there in 90 degree whether for half an hour.)

    Me: who is this? (showing him screen shots of half naked women in his phone)

    Him: who is who? I dont know what youre talking about (he says this while looking at the pics)

    Me: “these women! These photos from your phone”

    Him: “Whatever it is you CLAIM you saw in my phone, has nothing to do with me”

    I could go on and on.
    These people are demons from the pit of hell. Run.

  3. Fi

    Six months ago I was with a man that tried to control me,emotional abusive. Told so many lies. His wife that he had been separated from for years had according to him tried to kill herself. He drank heavily. I noticed his disregard for good people. Gerry liked to let me know when he saw a beautiful woman. My amazing daughter has been there for me she never liked him. I could not have a lunch date with her without him being there. He through me out and I breathed a sigh of relief. I was quickly replaced. I had stayed with this idiot to protect the dog as her wanted to kill her. The warning were always there. I heal and move on.

    1. Debbie

      I have been married 27 years with him 32. Reading this was a huge eye opener. Thus is my husband. In the last year I knew. He told me u was crazy. I put a device in his phone. To my surprise within the first day of listening I learned my husband had two lovers right at work. Two days later he picks up a woman and makes a date with her. When I confront hI’m just about the woman he picked up. It’s because I an a bad wife. I an going to file for divorce. I just never realized how stupid I am. Haha

      1. Tom

        I’ve been married for over 10 years. After our child was born a few years ago my wife developed post par yum depression. It has since moved morphed into full depression. Part of the problem is my wife truly does NOT remember things that I say, seems to purposely twist things I do say and thinks everybody…not just me is against her. We’ve been in counseling and the counselor recognizes it too and has given her tools to work on things. Why do I write this? Because the gaslighting isn’t gaslighting if the person is like my wife. Just recently we had a discussion and I said her “method of completing a task is a bit illogical.” She broke down in tears and screamed “You just called me stupid!” If I say I never said that, she reads a silly article like this and thinks she’s being gaslight end which does zero to help her cope with an illness she refuses to recognize having. My wife has a severe mental illness and looks to blame everybody else for her problems.

        1. Al Gibson

          Well, you did call her “stupid,” just like you called this article “silly.” It’s hardly the term you use that upsets her, it’s that you criticized her in a way that declares her to be incapable of logical processing. Looks to me like this is precisely the article she should be reading. Nice try, Narcissist. What’s “Post Par Yum Depression” anyway? Are you sure YOU aren’t making her feel that way and you are pissed off that someone is spilling the beans? Poor girl.

          1. Big Mouth Broad

            I have jad this happen and depression will never go away by listening to a manipulator.

  4. joyce

    Wow I know an acquaintance who fits this to a tee. Her lying is beyond chronic. It’s clinical ! Very bad. She can create s story at the drop of a hat without blinking and it’s all day everyday yet so sad and she thinks it’s normal . contrary to people not believing a word , she thinks that she’s pulled the wool over your eyes and some actually fall for it but most don’t. The ones who do fall for it, she thinks they’re vulnerable . Even the behaviors on the other pages have her on point of what a narcissist is. I feel bad because I know it affects her children.poor kids.

  5. Bernard

    I just had to add my two cents in this convo and say a heartfelt thank you to Kim for her fantastic work. I have been with my ex wife for most of my life. We were together since i was 21 now i am 43, her lying can only be described as phenomenal, even though i saw things with my own two eyes after she explained it all i even doubted myself. Because of my empathetic nature i always tried to resolve things, always take responsibility, saying sorry when she was the one in the wrong. She lied in church to the Pastor, lied to our daughter with the intention of establishing conflict between my daughter and i, and she almost succeeded. She is a perfect chameleon. I had an issue with our daughter and had a family discussion, every word that uttered her mouth related to God, she asked me to pray as a family all the while made plans to meet with the man that she was sexually involved with after the pray session. It never made any sense since i am a hunk, not trying to boast but i am very health conscious, eat right, train 6 days of the week and very independent. The man she connected with was 66 years old, sickly and infirmed, she has no money, rents a small apartment and does not even own a vehicle, it just was not making any sense. This was not the first time, the man before has been incarcerated numerous times for several issues including cocaine use, he to lived in squalor. I thought something spiritually may have been wrong with her, since she was really attractive, really pretty. I had my own business besides being employed with the state. I made her director of the company, she signed checks and became involved with the UPS guy and other clients. Before this understanding i really thought she was mad. I have since divorced her, i have custody of our daughter, and even though i am overcoming this experience daily and somehow still thanking God for the experience i know that i am also still wounded. Thank you again KIm!!!

  6. Joshua

    My father is the word narcissist. He turned Brother against brother. He stole 44,000 from my mothers inheritance. Those who associate with a narcissist should run for the hills. They will ruin everything you love or hold true. They are like a virus that will slowly eat away at the core of your humanity. When you’re down they will continue to kick, until you stop screaming for help. Then they will take more.

  7. Back2Good

    Leaving my ex Narc was the best thing I have ever done for myself. I left him a year and a half ago and unfortunately there has been a lot of back and forth- or discards I should say. I think I’ve finally got it now. You know you’ve made it when you aren’t in constant pain and anxiety with him in your life and you can see that you could never put yourself through that again. I enjoy my alone time now and have been able to enjoy the small moments in life without my mind being flooded with him, his abuse, his actions… I can sleep at night without anxiety that he’s sneaking out our front door to go meet another woman in the parking garage. He is an alcoholic on top of it=Yikes!

    Yep there is a list of lies he told that is too long to say. He lives a pathetic life as an immature boy in his mid thirties and had left a trail of broken women in his wake. Not me. I am better for this experience and I am slowly learning what self respect and love is. And as a codependent I am realizing that it is not my job to take care of anyone but myself.

    The best part was in any interaction where I had brought up how he hurt me, he would say “Sarah, if I just told you what you just so hatefully said to me, you’d never talk to me again!”, as if him “forgiving” me for the injustice of me expressing my pain was some gift to me. As if him talking to me was a gift from God. He can go kick rocks.

    Ladies, gentleman- if you’re already thinking about leaving- that is your insides screaming to you that something is WRONG. This is your flight or fight response and you need to take action before it’s too late. Rip off the band aid, find a safe place to go and take back your life. You won’t regret it. Take it from a woman who never thought she’d make it and who was severely suicidal towards the end. You will smile again and you WILL be okay.

  8. Joshua

    My father is that and then some. One story of many, but this one stings the most. He stole my mothers will after her father passed on and gave it to his other girlfriend ( 33,000 ) We are seeking legal help. Also cleared her bank out this month knowing she needs money for her medications. Now she can’t afford rent or medications. Even with my help I can do it. so on Monday we will try and seek out help. Hurt so bad by his actions I will be changing my last name in 2016.

  9. Anonymous

    What I’ve gone through is a nightmare I seriously should write a book for what he did to me. My best friend who was a cop told me a million times to get away from this monster he isn’t human it’s not long enough to say what he did to me I should’ve had him arrested a million times but the guilt of I shouldn’t do that and what if I do and he comes out and tortures me more. Well if you ever want to know ask. My life’s been destroyed, my kids my family to this day he comes after me threatens me manipulates me and everyone around him even my kids. He’s violating a court orders and the judge I’ve called over n over and no call back I’m scared he’s going to make up some cockamamie lie and have me arrested. He’s threatened it before. Im sorry but I would have rather gone to physical war at least I know what can happen instead of dealing with a psychopath like him. I really hope he burns in hell for what he’s done.

  10. Jacqueline

    This is great. The constant tactic I have used at me is “I never said that” and “that didn’t happen!” Then he uses times when he spoke muffled under his breath to prove I don’t always hear him correctly. But other times he’s loud, clear and in my face. No matter what he’s done he puts responsibility for it on me. I call him on it and he says, “Well you blame ME!” We humans all make mistakes but the narc refuses to ever be wrong. His games never worked on me, even when he changes events and words. But he definitley has been successful at instilling anxiety, stress, and physical sickeness in me. The worst part is his failure to admit he lies. He used to also be an active alcoholic and, during drunken episodes, he admitted two different times that he’s both a liar and has “a hard time not lying”. I’ve told him this before and his response? “You misunderstood me.” His sister has even told me he can’t see people clearly. At times when I needed backing I told him she said this. “You didn’t hear anything,” he said. Realizing in the last month this type of person doesn’t change makes me stop trying to get him to admit anything. These people don’t respect others. Talking and reasoning doesn’t work. It brings out their rage, blame, and evasion. I’ve learned while I’m still living with him setting boundaries through my actions (not words) to him is the only thing that works. Honestly they’re like kids. A lack of respect and listening shouldn’t produce more talking from a parent, it should produce consequences. He remembers all kinds of things. It’s convienient he “can’t remember” or keep in his mind things that affect my health or hurt me. All I can do is set boundaries by my actions. And every time it produces injury in him that I’m not being more close. They are delusional.

  11. Rapunzel

    Having just within the last few months discovered that there was a name for what I, and apparently thousands of others, have been suffering from, the epiphany came almost in one second, after tagging a few things online that caught my attention, namely Pinterest. The instant I opened these posts, my eyes flew open like I had just discovered the Holy Grail. There it was, every warning sign, calling card, nasty behavior, and ultimate trail of destruction. My Narco actually stooped so low as to making us late for 2 funerals, one of them my fathers’, and then compounded the insult by promising my family members (out of state, over 1200 miles from our home), that he had a connection in the memorial marker (headstone) business, and that he could get an enormous discount for that. Of course the promise never materialized, and after well over a year of being put off, given excuses, my family went ahead and did it themselves, and they included me and my step sister as a specialized part of the engraving. Of course, I ended up looking like the a-hole, especially after being given the gift of a sizable inheritance (which he promptly began blazing through). During the process of telling him what my family had done for me, and then trying to take him to task for blurting out, what of course in hindsight was a ridiculous promise, (I mean really, even if the damn thing was made for free, the shipping cost and logistics negated any possible discount), he said casually, yeah I guess I just wasn’t thinking clear, so sue me. Yup, that’s what I’ve dealt with for 20 years now. One other thing, I shared with the first women’s outreach counselor I talked to, that in my previous profession (hairstylist), I was actually taking part in displaying cards and flyers at my station and in the restroom of the salon, stating “Love Shouldn’t Hurt”, and “Need Help From Abuse? Call this 800# to speak with a counselor/advocate, and get help, we’re here for you”. My counselor said, listen honey-I’ve had therapists sitting where you are now. Can’t see the forest for the trees, no truer words spoken.

  12. Tasha

    I’m leaving a 10 year relationship that was totally deceitful from beginning to end. The lies are on going. The verbal abuse is ongoing. And my story is familiar to those posted he’re years ago. I’m 30 years old and I like honest relationships. It’s troubling to my soul that I cannot and will not ever be able to trust him. He makes all resolutions impossible and he never apologizes. He’s even started kicking me out of the house as of this year (Because of arguments he starts). I’ve lost a job because he threw me out and wouldn’t let me in until he left for work. I’m working 3 jobs to get away from him and also to take care of myself because he doesnt support me at all. I’m talking about, complaints of giving me money for anything. He a skillful mechanic. Rebuilds cars but he will not help with my vehicle. He loves to see me struggle and have difficulties, I’ve learned. I’ve learned more than I ever cared too! I’m steadfast in my faith. Liars ruin lives. I also had panic attacks and hyperthyroidism just last year from his controlling ways and lies.

  13. Allie

    I was wondering… My ex left me in an awful way. He confessed about 4 different lies to me, in the drip-fashion. The first day he broke and told me the lies, he said there were no more and even wrote me a letter saying he was so glad he had finally told me the truth… then he told me he lied and that there was another lie. I never cornered him. He had no reason to tell me, no benefits, so why? He really did seem afraid. One of his secrets was that he was bulimic, and I know it was true from his brother… Well, after he ditched me without closure or explanation (he had promised I could finally get the plane ticket to go see him before disappearing) I discovered he lied about yet another petty thing, and I’m fairly certain he was talking to other people because I downloaded Whatsapp and saw he had changed his status to ‘dead’ one night that he claimed he had ‘fallen asleep’ on me. Towards the end he was always ‘falling asleep’ on me… After the breakup, however, I could tell by his gaming that he really wasn’t staying up much later, so who knows. His lies were materialistic and vain, except for the one about him having bulimia. Part of me wants to believe he never loved me, but I have a good intuition and just don’t believe it. I think some people lie because they simply do not love themselves and would rather play the part of someone else. He hides under animal personas online… Mostly cats, and he’s 25. Would he truly have left because it was ‘game over,’ as this article says? I know my worth and how much he adored me. I was never wrong in his eyes until the very end, and while he was mean to me then, it never was about what I had done but about his own screw-ups. Do narcissists leave without explanation if it’s truly a game? It seems there were genuine emotions involved that perhaps he didn’t expect or wasn’t ready for, causing him to flee. I feel he started to see himself for what he truly was, instead of his lies and personas, and it scared him. Is that narcissistic or something else entirely?

    1. Kim Saeed

      Allie, it’s really hard to tell, especially without knowing more background about your relationship. Also, 25 is a young age and there could be some emotional immaturity at play. However, whether he’s narcissistic or not, you might want to think about whether lies are something you’re willing to tolerate in your relationship.

      Thank you for reaching out. Wishing you all the very best.

  14. luckyotter

    Reblogged this on Lucky Otter's Museum of Narcissism and commented:
    So much truth in all of this. I have seen all of these lies up close and personal. The one “You are responsible for the way you feel” when they have just said something hurtful to you REALLY hit home with me. And of course the way they gaslight, gaslight, gaslight and always try to make you feel like there’s something wrong with YOU.

  15. Linda

    Christian Woman…. I believe you just hit the nail right on the head! I was reading a book on the different temperaments of people and this particular book was written by Tim Lahaye so it was based on Christian principles. After realizing that my husband was a choleric and sanguine I approached him and said that I was praying for us and I prayed that he would open up enough to let the holy spirit in and listen to it… The response I got HAD to be demon possessed. Immediately after saying that, I thought he was going to hit me, his eyes became wild and he just snapped and started screaming at me that he didn’t need any fkn God to help him and that I was the one with the problem. I made the decision that very day to get out for my own safety. His ego and self importance are so extreme that its just unreal. Sure there is mental illness but if you could see this guy in action you would think he was demon possessed, Its crazy

  16. Christian woman

    It’s really worth looking into how demons operate on a person, they give people a huge ego & want you to think all these things. I believe narcissist are demon possessed and by this point of level reached they would be extremely hard to convince that this is what’s going on. If you know someone who is a narcissist it would be a good idea to contact a deliverance minister and talk to them about the persons problems and how to learn how to live demon free and live in Christ. (It can happen even to a Christian.)

  17. mike

    OMG! Every single point..1-6 is exactly my ex-N to a tee! “I cant imagine my life without you! You’re my soul mate!” I can’t tell you how many times I heard that. But then the craziness came…”Didn’t do that or Didn’t say that”. I seriously felt like I needed a tape recorder just to keep my sanity. I never did get one though I should have. She systematically withdrew me from friends and family claiming that we needed more “us time.” In the end I ended up with no one because I had cut ties with those important in my life. She’d claim that I was the ONLY person on earth who didn’t understand her. That I was “overly sensitive” and exaggerate every little thing. I thought I was going crazy. I cant tell you how many times I heard “YOU are choosing to feel bad for what I said or did.” If I dont have a problem with it, then you have the problem.” Oh wow! I can still hear her voice utter those words and that was YEARS ago! And the lies…the constant unending lies! Didnt matter if they were little lies or the big whoppers…she always had a split second answer to every question I would ask. I mean, she is an EXCELLENT liar. I would only discover the truth over time because her memory couldn’t keep her stories the same. History kept changing and i kept a hidden journal in my garage of all the “weird incidents”…which convinced me that I wasn’t crazy. I’m healing now (5 YEARS later), but it hasn’t been easy. I still feel like she never loved me and I was only an ATM machine to her. It really makes trusting anyone ever again seem impossible. I’m glad I found this blog!!! It’s helped me emmensely in understanding what kind of diabolical, conniving, manipulative person I was married to. I’m thrilled to be divorced from her, but glad to know that I’m not the only one experiencing this. I’ve got soooooo many stories to tell…and how I found out the truth. Sorry for the ramble.

    1. Hi, Mike,

      Something about your story really caught my interest. If you don’t mind, I would really love to know more about that past situation.

      I’m working on a book about Empaths and relationships, and I feel that what you have experienced is certainly not uncommon. Would you be willing to tell me more about your experiences?

  18. jason h

    My wife made me think I was mad she made me so isolated. And felt so loved then I found out she lied from a young. Teenager. Then she get bruises. Very easy from a blood problem then she started to show every bruise. To everyone and over time they all started to think I did it all she lied to her family everyday it was sad that she did this she then started to lie about her phone calls hiding everything then stealing from our bank account everyone she seen she lied to she lived in her past I was told about her lies from her family later on in the marriage then she started to get very nasty abusing me if I didn’t do what she said I would get told she would get her grandparents. To do what she wanted she started to keep me out of the bed so she did not have to get up then she would yell at me when I did not get up to look after the baby that was next to her then she lied about how she got animals she said she would find them but I would find out the truth this happens for years I thought it was me doing the wrong thing in the end I was on meds for what I had it was her being a nasty lieing bully to me that made me breakdown then she started lieing to people. At the school about everything she started to call the police to say I was. Abusing her when I was away it never stopped she made close friends with them when we moved she started calling the police everything she came back and said I was hurting her I found out she was having a affair. But I stayed. She never got off her phone and I cleaned non stop and if I did not clean. She made me feel bad and day to the kids it was my fault. That they did not get perfect clothes everyday then she got her police friend. To get a avo on me it came from the police not her getting it she got them to make one up so it can’t be changed in court her family. Know I didn’t do what was said they are behind me she then started ringing up and started saying the animals were getting killed by me when I was staying with her grandparents. Then her van was burnt out she told police about the couple of times someone tried to burn it but they said hey it was her who did it but her police mate made the other officer say sorry so docs came and said she has to go to a safe house they think I did it even when I can’t leave her grandparents house and now the police can’t charge me they keep on putting of the court date. They said she has been going up to the police for a long time and now she will be caught by the police for lieing about the abuse and her family will find out what she has done I waited 13years to get the house now I have it then all the things started to happen the broken ankle. The bruse. From the big dog and the kids playing with her and her telling everyone she was coachin a lot of sporting teams she has lied about being married to everyone at the school then they found out she made me sad so much I wanted to end it all many times she loves me when she has lied to someone and I will see them the next day saying that something was. Said she said I broke her finger and stabbed. Her broke her ribs and done so much to her she can’t stop lieing and now iam facing jail because of her lies I never left I tried but she said she wanted me to stay but I believed her now iam a joke around the area but it’s backfired. On her now she wants to say in court that I didn’t do anything but lieing to the police will send her to jail so they her police friends have got it over her because I can sue them for the lies she told so now I fight to cope with the lies that she told the kids but they want there dad but I can’t see them and docs say iam mad because of her lies how can i get through this and live and love again iam a lonely guy she kept me in the house working around so she could do what she wanted and she lived off my money I was getting now she will lose it she is trying to get me to forgive her after everything she has done and this is only a little of what she has done in 11years

  19. Edythe

    The mind f-ing continues. I have gone “no contact” and he still sends me letters and sends emails. I had to call the police to warn him to stop contacting me. He agreed, and still persisted. Now harassment charges are being filed. I didn’t do this to him. He did it to himself. He just cannot stop. And the letters are sickening. He is getting worse and is completely delusional. Extremely, mentally ill.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Edythe, thanks for sharing. It highlights the fact that we often do have to resort to getting the authorities involved in order to force them to leave us alone. Best wishes for you as you move forward.

  20. Mel

    I am too scared to even post this comment, if you cld chat with me via email?? Anyone? Appreciative wld b an understatement!!! ? Mel (32yrs, 3 children, in serious need of help)
    Indeed this is some sort of miracle i bumped into this tonite)

    1. Kim Saeed

      Mel, my email is listed under the coaching tab if you want to contact me.

  21. I think my husband may be a narc…I posted on a previous thread, we have been having issues with him not being able to “CHANGE” he has a facebook addiction and chats with all kinds of women, flirting, getting numbers, giving his out, ( this is only a small sample of what goes on, he has no job, does nothing around the house period ) after having it out and telling him we need to change this or there is no us, he made a promise that he would not “CHAT” with women unless we both know them, ( fair enough I am up for compromise, I’m not a jealous freak, he had an “emotional affair” 7 years ago that lasted for 2 years behind my back they never saw one another she lived 3,000 miles away but talked on the phone all the time and he made her think we were in a divorce which was a lie, that’s why I have issues with the chatting/flirting)
    He gave me his password and told me to check it anytime. I didn’t check it for weeks, but then I noticed him on the phone all the time so I did…yes he was chatting again with an old “childhood” friend. We got into it about it another broken promise so I told him I didn’t care what he did that I was no longer going to baby sit him. Of course I got the promise not to do it once again, but I took it with a grain of salt. I went to the computer last night to pay a bill and his FB messages were open, almost like he wanted me to see it? So of course he’s chatting with the same person, mind you nothing sexual just things like “you like that number ? (22)It’s a sign, signs are big in my world” so when we get into it, I am told “if you didn’t know/snoop would you be upset right now?” are you kidding me? That’s only a very small portion of my life!

    1. Kim Saeed


      I realize you are the kind of person who is open to compromise, but when it comes to Narcs…give an inch and they take a mile.

      You deserve more than that. You shouldn’t allow your spouse to chat with women on any social media venue. Who cares if he thinks you’re jealous or whatever. That’s just what they throw out when you try to establish a boundary. That’s emotional infidelity, by the way…in case you’ve never heard of the term.

      1. Anonymous

        I realize that some people have narc traits / tendencies and I have my first appointment with a therapist in a few weeks (I’ve never been to therapy) I decided I’m worthy of happiness, my questions to her will be if she thinks he has some personality issues or if be is a narc/borderline ..I paid for an online evaluation, gave him a list of over 50 different things that occur with my spouse, and was told that I had the tendancy to judge people to much …I was shocke! Of course I SHOULD judge those behavior’s they all directly impact our marriage ! All I wanted was to give a list of the way he is and things he’s done /does to get advice and see if I needed to learn more about “why” he acts like he does or if its a hopeless situation and that’s the answer I was given. Made me feel dumb ! I won’t give out his name. I thought I was being JUDGED BY HIM lol. Please tell me that’s not how therapy works!!¡

    2. Susie

      Having been raised by 2 narcs, I can tell you that it is always your ‘fault’ and always on you; never them, that you believe what they tell you. According to how they think, you are the one without the ability to filter fact from fiction so they say whatever they want whether it is true or not. It isn’t their responsibility to be honest; you have to figure it out yourself if they are or not. Game time! It is a no-win situation. The credo of a narc is “my life is an open book!” which, in truth, is really an invitation to have your feelings and thoughts manipulated. The question he asked about your feelings is a classic example of manipulating your emotions and deflecting it back onto you because you ‘snooped’; not because he lied to you and you found out. It’s very hard to face reality while living with narcs because the reality changes at their will; not your’s.

  22. Jessica

    What would make a narcissist change? Can a significant other make them change? How can they learn to treat people better and be appreciative of what they have? Great blog article!

    1. Kim Saeed


      There’s really nothing that will induce change in a narcissist. Any seeming changes they make are only temporary and initiated to keep a grip on a source of supply. Further, they’re not concerned with treating people better, though they may act convincingly when they need to.

      Thanks for stopping by 🙂


  23. Linda

    he is obviously doing all this because if he blames you….. he doesn’t have to face up to his own ugly soul. Ugh. I bet if you were able to hear what his ex said to her friends when they split up before you would hear lots of similarities.

  24. Shelley

    I am dying inside….he made love to me in the morning…and in the afternoon, he sent me an email that was full of ugly lies about me, told me to get our of our home, and he has not talked to me since. We were together four years. I loved him so much…still do…had to go to a mental hospital because I no longer wanted to live…how could he have turned on a dime like that? I hurt everyday…I begged him to give me one call and explain what changed….he took me to court for sending him too many emails…he knew the judge…I got a stalking order against me for sending 2 emails a day….why is he doing this? Now he is back with his ex wife and bought her a home just like we had, swimming pool, tennis court, and they are having a 4th of July party that is just like the one we had planned…

    1. Kim Saeed

      Shelley, we can’t use rational thinking to explain the utterly irrational behaviors of Narcissists. They conquer and destroy, and that’s about it.

      I hope you’ve found yourself a good therapist. Peace and blessings to you.

  25. Cathy

    Wow, so many comments and discoveries on living with these narcissistic people, so sad! I guess I am one…..just finding out actually, 32 years of marriage. I have a different twist, though. My husband and I are both Christians, or I guess he says he is, I have wondered for YEARS how he can call himself one, and act like he does to me, which is cruel, uncaring, fake, punishing, calculating, purposefully mean and has yelled at me ever since I can remember. Yet, when I call him on things, it’s as if I’m crazy! Or he just stares at me in silence…. He will apologize, but I believe repentance is change, yeah whatever. I finally figured out he was apologizing for himself, not me, just to make him feel better for what he had done, it had little, if anything to do with me. He IS (even if falsely) nice, caring, kind, friendly, helpful and “normal” to everyone else, but I am the only one who sees, feels, the truly abnormal state in which he lives. I am exhausted! I have tried and tried, believed God for change and a healthy relationship and truly believed it was possible. I called a counselor about two months ago and read him this, which I found on FB and it struck me that this had been the wrap up of my entire marriage with this guy, “There is a difference between caring, controlling and crazy……caring is making a suggestion, controlling is making a demand, crazy is making you obey or PAY! Recognize crazy early, people are losing their lives over crazy!” by Anthony Gaskins, Jr. The counselor gave it to me straight, and said much of what I have read on this blog., and said that I would never have a real, loving relationship with him, just interactions – which is exactly what it has always felt like! It’s tough to realize, but so exhilarating to hear truth! And while it did set me free in many ways and answered almost every life long question I had about his behavior and interactions with me, I can’t wrap my mind around how or why God wouldn’t have found a way to show me or allow me to discover this sooner? (I do not blame God) I am baffled by a lot of things right now, that I am trying to sort out, one of them however, is not who and what I am dealing with in my husband, that is very clear, sadly! And I have seen it or know about all of his siblings acting in the same manner to their spouses (a lot of manipulation going on) and his Father, too. Thank you for this blog and your insights, I truly appreciate all the info I have received and I look forward to my future after realizing it really was not a relationship – just interactions. I grew up in a home where my parents had the most amazing loving, respectful, caring, beautiful relationship I have ever witnessed to this day! I have never seen their equal, but I watched them live their lives in complete harmony and with that as an example I know I am perfectly capable of having that kind of relationship, given the right partner – and I will!

    1. Kim Saeed

      Cathy, thank you so much for stopping by and for sharing your story.

      It sounds like you are one of the lucky few that found a good counselor. What he shared with you is spot on.

      As far as questioning why God didn’t find a way to show you sooner…for all of us, it’s a lesson for our soul. Not that we deserve the abuse we got, but this kind of soul-wrenching experience is a catalyst for us to truly learn who we are again and heal from all our past hurts, including the ones inflicted upon us by the Narcissist. It’s a life-changer, if we can embrace the idea. I am such a different person compared to who I was before meeting my Narc Ex. But, it took a lot of soul-searching and uncomfortable transitions to get where I am. Plus, a lot of self-care, which is why I recommend a holistic approach to healing. We have to heal ourselves from all angles. (Body, Mind, Spirit).

      1. Hi Kim,

        Thanks for your reply, I did FINALLY find a good counselor, but went through many others that ALWAYS took his side because his father is a well known worship leader and has been for many, many, years. I suspect his father is the same, now. And because no one could possibly conceive of him being anything but wonderful, spiritual, helpful, caring, kind, etc. While I look like the bitch, idiot, uncaring, complaining, ungrateful wife. It’s all very difficult to believe at this point. Such a weight lifted off of me, knowing now that it wasn’t ME! Such a bittersweet victory, ya know? I told him a few times that when he died I was going to donate his brain to science because I have never seen or heard or experienced anything like it! He laughed, I think he thought I was joking, except I was very serious. Looking back though now, if he had thought it was serious I probably would have been punished. Uuugggghh! I’m so aware of everything he did, it is a blaring horn or flood lights, so obvious – NOW. You know, as I write this it all just comes pouring out, I don’t have to think about it, no hesitation searching for words or thoughts just gushing, unrelenting crud! It that normal? How much ruminating is too much? If I tell certain close people in my life about this new revelation, are they likely to understand or not? These are people (very few) who I have confided in at times about him and his behavior over the years. I know they will believe me, but if they have never experienced it for themselves, how well can they really be able to be there for me? I guess I’m asking what is the best course of action to take at this point? I see such a foggy path ahead of me…..

        Thank you,

  26. Tom

    Wow, This article struck a nerve with me. I am already divorced but struggle to understand why my ex wife did the things she did during and after our marriage. My Little Chilango princess. Sociopathic, Arrogant, Beautiful and Youthful. Lies through her teeth with the greatest of ease. Never caring about other peoples feelings. Only living to give everything to her mommy and siblings. I swear she was only interested in me for her green card and, of course, sucking as much money out of me as possible. Still, I cared for her so much and was crazy about her. After we divorced I started to view her from a distance. I noticed the lies, little lies, and big lies. As if she were playing a game. Very selfish and self-centered woman. She puts her Mommy and siblings above her husband and child. Stupid immature girl. Oh well, She’s on to the next victim. I could save the poor sap a lot of pain with a 5 minute conversation, but not my place. He will learn eventually, the ugly truth about her.

    1. Kim Saeed

      You’re right, Tom. The new guy will figure her out soon enough. In the meantime, you are out of her web and able to move on with life. Best of luck to you!

  27. Rene G.

    This is so bizarre that I found this today. After 11 years of manipulation and habitual lying, I am leaving my husband. Not only is every single word that comes out of his mouth a lie, but I have found out that he had a problem with that his entire life AND molested one sister (in his teens) approached another sister to disrobe her top all the time, possibly raped his sisters best friend and molested another girl. Add that to the fact that he steals and has absolutely NO remorse, I just can’t take it any longer. He is as sick as they come and scary in that he can be as charming as can be. He now has his parents and sons snowed that I am a horrible person, but I could care less at this point. I have to wait for an apartment to open up and until then, I am stuck here, but will be so happy to be gone!

    1. Kim Saeed


      I hope by now you’ve had the chance to get into your new apartment. Sounds like you dodged a bullet with this one!

  28. Kim Saeed

    Edythe, yes, this is the classic pattern of the Narcissist. Verbally assaulting you and the claiming you’re too sensitive.

    It is indeed scary. There are so many of them out there…

  29. Wolff

    Hey all. Yes: my life for past twenty yrs w wasband: (yes: please use the all of you, w out my humor I would have killed myself) Here is a thought as i was reading: what if one of these mother#uchers was/is posing here: to fool us? for instance: mine would TOTALLY get on here…read all this and then start commenting…although from what i have learned in the last six months: (THANK YOU LORD IN HEAVEN) he wouldn’t be typing too long before we would all call “BULL#HIT!!” and see we have the enemy in our midst: im just saying: mine would do something like that….to find a way to hurt me as much as possible: he would quote some of this: and tear it all to pieces. If you hv been living w one, you know my point… they are evil, diabolical: and always reach for a new dispicable, bizzare way to destroy…i nearly DID lose my life: but I got that body walking around w no soul the fu#k out of my house and am divorcing his dumb a#s.

  30. Daria

    My ex husband used to throw wobblers about not drying the dishes up in the right way. He liked the bedroom window open during the night and I liked it closed. He threatened to throw me out of the window if I closed it. I had to wait till he fell asleep and close it then. When I made a comment about his whining (the first time ever) he pinned me down on the bed and tried to squash my nose with his hand and strangle me (he left bruises all round my neck). I also suspect he killed our cat whilst I was away on holiday. This is why he is now my ex.
    I suppose he must have got some motivation to work from somewhere eventually as he became a language tutor and I believe went over to Russia for a while. At any rate he married a Russian woman who must have only been too pleased to get out of Russia and who gave him the kids he wanted and which I refused to give him because of his behaviour. They are now all living together under one roof as a happy family I believe – him, his wife and his MOTHER (UGH) – an N-b*tch if there ever was one, who said about 2 words to me during the time we lived together. Glad I am shot of that bunch!!!
    I have had relationships since my marriage ended 8 years ago but they all seem to be with other narcissists, the cumulative effect ended up giving me PTSD which took me almost a year to get over, I became alcohol dependent and could not take it any more. I have in my heart given up any hope of having a relationship built on mutual respect, relationships of any type seem like a bad joke to me (as to me society is built on narcissism and hypocrisy) and the only relationship that seems to come close is the one I have with my Dad, I feel he’s the only one that truly loves me. But at least that is something. My relationship with my mum is non existent as she too is a N. You often find Ns agreeing with each other and sticking together. I think it is a mindset.
    I have been evaluating all my relationships since the beginning of this year and have been weeding out those who are patronizing, don’t show me any respect, or expect me to bend over backwards the whole time for nothing. I think a lot of these people just try it on to see what they can get away with. I have started carrying a very big (metaphorical) stick around with me and setting boundaries. Put it this way, I am happier alone than with people who just want someone there as an accessory, or someone they can vent all their bile onto.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Daria, you are making wonderful changes in your life by weeding out the people who are full of negative energy, as well as establishing boundaries.

      Regarding attracting the same types of people, it seems that once we can heal our brokenness in the form of self-love and wholeness…meaning we’re not perfect, but in a much better place vibrationally, it acts like a shield against attracting the bottom-feeders of the world.

      I am sorry you’ve had such horrible experiences with N’s. You really could not help it because you were raised and conditioned by one to be the perfect N-supply…on the brighter side, you are becoming strong and aware of what you need to do in order to rise above your past. During your alone time, spend time really pampering yourself. Do guided meditations for self-esteem and read some books by Louise Hay. Get some reiki massages, and do emotional release activities, such as the one I posted about in my article, The Funeral – Burying My Grief. Essential Oils also help, but they have to be pure, not the polluted ones from mainstream retail stores (you can find good ones in a co-op if there’s one in your area).

      I see you having a great second half of the year, especially if you focus on your healing and pampering yourself.

  31. jones

    does this mean there is no hope for our relationship? right now he is telling me that things are getting better and he is trying to get his old feelings back for me but says he tried for so long to get me to pay attention to him that he has lost feelings for me. I feel like I cant breathe when hes around because he demands so much attention and then he tells me I am the controlling one but I see just the opposite. I hate to fight and will do almost anything to avoid one. It feels to me like he is the one always picking them. He says he hates to fight too but that because I don’t pay enough attention to him he gets “loud” . I say it is much more than just loud when he calls me names and then he just gets louder. I calmly told him I thought he needs medication and wow…. you would have thought I said he was a murderer or something. My gosh, this all sounds so childish to me as I am reading it back.

  32. jones

    i think I am married to one of these guys. Only he says that I say things that I don’t say, picks fights with me when he doesn’t get his way and generally makes my life miserable. 2 weeks ago he changed the locks on our house and removed all my belongings just because I went to bed Friday night and didn’t tell him I was going and it made him mad cause he says I don’t pay enough attention to him. He started a huge argument over that and I asked him to close the window so the neighbors wouldn’t hear but he proceeded to scream,,,, if you don’t like it get off your fat fuckin lazy ass and close it yourself cunt, first of all WHO says things like that?
    I am back home now but he is still telling me I need to fix whats wrong with our relationship. I am usually a very strong person but I am wondering if he does have some valid points about me. Reading this back I know it makes me sound weak but he says I am too closed off to him and I need to pay more attention to him. Maybe he has a point? But jeez.. I need help.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Well, I say that if he wanted you to pay more attention to him, he could ask that of you without being so hateful and calling you obscene names.

      The fact that he removed all your things and changed the locks because you went to bed is a big indicator that he is trying to whip you into compliance, meaning he feels he must have complete and total control in his relationships. You should not have to live walking on egg shells all the time. I don’t think he has a point, I think he has a some serious issues, many of which you can’t help him with.

      You cannot fix what’s wrong in your relationship, because it seems what’s wrong is his treatment of you. You are not responsible for that.

      1. I agree with Kim (as usual) you cannot fix what’s wrong. He is emotionally abusive and what he is saying to you is meant to control you.

    2. Toni

      Pay attention to that feeling in your gut that tells you things are never going to get better. Then be grateful he has released you from the relationship now. You can move on. You can be happy. You NEVER have to be verbally abused, treated badly, or spoken down to again. You would never speak that way to someone you love. Why would you think that someone who speaks that way to you lives you? Save yourself while you still can.

  33. Kathy

    I gave the Narc I dated a very nice bracelet. I knew he was a pathological liar, so I asked him where he told people he got it from. He told me he told some people he bought it, and some people that his girlfriend had given it to him They are so delusional and crazy I guess he thought this explanation to me was normal!

    1. survivorthrivor2

      Kathy, sounds very familiar! My Narc h bought me my dream car when he retired and at the time I really didn’t understand why, (that is not what they do without ulterior motives) because I didn’t know he was a Narc then. But, I remember having to ask him what are we telling people? So we would be on the same page, and didn’t sound ridiculous. Crazy question to ask him to begin with, right? I was more aware than I thought of his endless games. We actually had a discussion about it and never really came together on what to say (gee I know, maybe the TRUTH!), and who knows what he told people, probably like your date, some this and some that! Good word, delusional!

  34. *scream* This post really made me angry. Not at you, Kim, but the choices in examples as to outlining these sadistic and mind*cking lies, I swear to GOD are, word for word, out of the psychopath/narcissist manual.

    You are very talented and I see so many gifts in your writing. I’d like to do a review of your blog. Is this okay with you? There are a few other blogs I’d like to highlight as well, but I would like to have permission to do so first. Thank you for this post and your blog.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Wow, this is so very encouraging…I would love for you to do a review of my blog 🙂

      I didn’t find out about Narcissism until after the fact, as is the case with most people. I don’t know if it’s due to my INFJ personality or being so analytical, or both…but I can now connect the dots between all words and behaviors I witnessed during my marriage to a Narc and certain members of his family . It all makes sense now, as where before, I kept hanging on to that magical thinking that we all fall prey to.

      I admire your writing, as well. Each of your posts that I’ve read are highly educational and help readers not only understand the disordered, but also how they fall into being targets for them…

      Looking forward to reading your reviews of my blog, as well as others 🙂

      1. Thank you so much, Kim! I’m honored that you’re allowing me to share.

        About being analytical…I’ve found those who are highly empathic or HSP’s to be very analytical. This is a gift that comes through in your writing, which is what really stood out to me when reading. Very few can convey about the disorders and do it with their empathic voice, let alone accurately. I am very very impressed.

        Thank you again.

  35. Lewis Peakes

    Just reading this is reminding me of the bad times and it exhausts me to think of it. Not my spouse but my parents, sibling, and two of my own children. The legacy for me is long-term physical disability and long-term mental therapy; PTSD, and RSD among other problems. Thank you for explaining some things that I just didn’t understand. I can now be more aware and learn to set better boundaries. I have reached the point that I simply prefer my own company which doesn’t work so well within a marriage. Shutting down and isolating isn’t the answer. Time to get back to life and live it while learning to avoid the soul-destroying NPD members of my family….even though family is traditionally the backbone of support. In my case it is not. Thanks again for sharing your insight.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Lewis, that’s one of the drawbacks of educating ourselves on Narcissistic behaviors…it can trigger painful or blocked memories.

      I, too, spend a large amount of time alone. Part of that is my personality type (INFJ), but another part is that I don’t have the energy to expend on socializing because I still have a lot of work to do with emotional release. Also, as an Empath, I tend to absorbed other’s pain, so working on my blog takes some of my energy…but at least it’s for the purpose of helping people, whereas when I was still with the Ex-N, my energy was depleted for nothing more than his folly.

      Thank you for reading my blog and for commenting.

    2. Anonymous

      I never had family support either, even when I was young and beaten for years. Just remember, you are your own best friend, it’s called survival, and that’s what I’ve always lived by. Bottomline people can be cruel, helped me to remember this in my hardest times. I never drank or did drugs, hold your head high, who needs people like that

  36. Pingback: Narcissistic Lies | Kim Saeed's Let Me Reach

  37. an unusual and distinctive blog, very interesting reading!
    Thank you for subscribing to my site and allowing me to enter your world! Eddie

    1. Kim Raya

      Eddie, it’s an honor that you stopped by.

      I visit your blog a lot. I’ve always been intrigued by Native American history. We have a deep Cherokee bloodline on my mother’s side. We’ve always been aware of it, but my father learned more after researching our family tree through He’s built a virtual library with all he’s learned. He joined mainly to research his ancestors who were in the Civil War, but learned that my mom has a lot of Native American ancestors on her side.

    1. Kim Raya

      Thank you…that’s what my blog is all about. Helping victims break free.

    1. Kim Raya

      I know…it’s like they go to Narcissist conventions every now and then to swap strategies 🙂

    1. Kim Raya

      Thanks! There’s no better education than experience…

  38. Pingback: Top 10 Signs You are Dating a Narcissist | Wendy Powell

    1. Kim Raya

      Sure! Thanks for reading and for including in your post! 🙂

  39. I am just learning about all of this. I am in the middle of a hostile divorce with my narcissistic husband We were married for just short of 20 years. You are so right about it affecting your health! I am lucky that he wanted to end it. I would have slowly died if not. See my post “Boiling a Frog”. Reading all of these posts is teaching me so much about what I am going through.

    1. lisa

      yes u are lucky. the only strategy I can think of now is to make him want to leave me by being someone I am not

  40. navigator1965


    Me: “But I thought you said …”

    Ex: “No I didn’t.”

    Me: (Am I going crazy?)

    1. Kim Raya

      My Ex really drove it home by saying, “I wish I could tape record our conversations so you would know what I really said”. I’m thinking to myself, “but…I JUST heard you”.

      1. navigator1965

        Yep again. I believe this is what Freud termed “thaumaturgy” or magic words. The narcissist says it and magically it becomes true just for his or her having said it.

      2. I often wished I had a tape recorder going so I could get his facts straight for him because his lies never made any sense. It just was so damn frustrating to know he lied but couldn’t get him to admit it at all.

        1. Kim Saeed

          Indeed. I believe part of why they do that is to try and make us crack under the absurdity of it all…part of the gas lighting and crazy-making.

      3. Kim Saeed

        You are right in that they normally work themselves into a corner. Especially if they stay in the same locality for any length of time…

        When I referred to their making us crack, I’m talking about victims who end up having to take medical leave from work, go on prescription medications, struggle with depression and agoraphobia from being stalked, PTSD, and other conditions brought on by the crazy-making behaviors of the Narcissist. This doesn’t in any way paint the Narc in a positive light, only that they do often make their targets crack from being in a toxic relationship for too long.

      4. Linda Hansen

        I totally know what you’re saying! My current narc doesn’t use this phrase, he says “I said……….. (MAYBE)!!!!” I had told him a while back that I was going to start recording the calls from him to me on my cell, so he could hear how he speaks to me. I am planning on leaving, as soon as I have enough money saved.

      5. nicole

        OMG….my ex used to say the same thing…….”I’m going to start recording our converations so that you would know what I really said”. Gaslighting at its best. By the time he finished hammering that I “had a bad memory” I started to believe it myself……at 23yrs old!!!!!

      6. lisa

        This describes my life fop the past 5 years with Randy Hawkins and his abuse of me

      7. OMG, I heard that EXACT sentence word for word over, & over, & over again! Yet the funny thing is, considering all the times he made that very statement, he never actually went out & bought that tape recorder to prove himself right!

      8. Anonymous

        Wow! Word for word what my ex used to say…
        Creepy bastards

  41. Susan Irene Fox

    Wow…This sounds so amazingly familiar. My best friend was married to a narcissist for 17 years. His behavior was exactly as you described. And the kicker is, I was friends with this guy long before she married him. I can look back on our friendship and see his behavior back to his early 20’s. He was fired from every single job he ever had either for lying or some other form of unethical behavior. And his behavior with my best friend was always on a scale between disrespectful and downright surreptitious. She finally left after she realized how it was affecting her kids.

    You’re right – run.

    1. Kim Raya

      It’s odd that these people have been running rampant and we’re just now figuring them out. They’ve just been weaving through society, undetected…ruining the lives of innocent people.

      1. While I am still learning about all of this, I still find it really difficult to do the “moving on” part. The divorce is in the process. We have not spoken in at least a year. But, our now adult children put him in the roll of the hero. And they act like it’s ok when something that was denied to me is granted to them like its a god given right. Do I have to divorce my children, too? Lets top it off with the family dog dying and now I’m absolutely alone with my imagined injustice.

        1. Jane Dough

          Gina, Hello 🙂 it’s not imagined injustice. I know how you feel. Go to youtube and check out Richard Grannon Spartan Life Coach videos. He is funny and HE CARES. You have to FORCE yourself to be positive. If your adult children make you uneasy then less contact with them Will help you heal. You realize that it’s highly possible that you’re an Empath, right? If you want someone to talk to just to vent, I am here for you. I live with a Covert Narcissist/Borderline/Sociopath…those are all labels that I don’t really care for. What we’re dealing with is people that were neglected/abused during childhood. Even spoiling your children is abuse. Yeah, sure, I was neglected/abused also and did not turn out to BE an abuser, but not too many people can say that. Feeling sorry for them, giving them the benefit of the doubt because we have huge hearts is our downfall. The more we educate ourselves the stronger we get. I don’t usually put my email out in public, but I will for YOU because your comment here has touched me.
          IF, IF you plan on emailing me please be patient for a reply. I’m being what’s called gas lighted by this SOB and sometimes I cannot think straight. Call me Jane 😉

        2. Jane Dough

          Dammit I left a LONG reply for you and now I don’t see it. Fudge! If you need a friend, I’m here for YOU. I live with a highly disturbed individual. I can relate. Email me at if you want to. Call me Jane. Give me some time to reply cuz I’m being GAS LIGHTED by this SOB. Actually he’s TRYING to gas light me but I keep throwing TRUTH back in his face. It drives him bonkers LOL I don’t mind if anyone else on here wants to email me also. We must gather the troops and UNITE in Love. Narcissists ate all about hate. Most people living with Narcissists ate Empaths, and they don’t even realize it. You’re all SPECIAL whether you’re male or female. Don’t let ANYONE make you believe otherwise. Hugs to ALL! sincerely Jane

    2. don matter

      I need help may be to late Iam a single father n destroyed no self esteem cant get away. I have a 3yr old daughter try to make sure she is safe. Narcs all around Im,a strong fighter they dont play fair.

      1. Kim Saeed

        “Too late” only means you didn’t see her for what she was until you were in deep, but it’s never too late to turn your life around. You have the power to change your circumstances.

      2. Getting stronger

        Very true. You only find out when you are completely emotionally drained. It’s as though the soul has been sucked right out of your body. I have a strong character and my instinct from the very beginning warned me to run. That’s the only thing you can guarantee will never lie to you – so always listen to it. I never loved him but felt really sorry for him – then I realised that I could never get out as he would make my life hell ( I work with him). He finished it after trying to destroy my career, but hated me for not bothering. Never feel sorry for any guy you’re dating or if you do please stop dating them.

      3. Anonymous

        that’s because they hide behind the image they want you to see until your in love then when you see who they really are you are blinded by love and disbelief to the point you begin to question if your the problem… then they leave… and one your over it and reflect on the relationship you realise true.
        These people are a lesson in our life, we need to remember they are the ones with the problems and it is all a game to them.

    3. kat

      This has all got me floored…im completely full of adrenal fatigue right now been 4 yrs of pure hell…jumpedinto this relationship after my divorce ..22 yr marriage ..maybe felt lonely ..he reeled me in with his charm as they all ended i swear immediately after the words “i love you” came out of his mouth..the abuse came after we moved in together..I’ve lost all contact with my adult children cause he hates friends stop calling and txting..I find myself home alone while he’s out at the bar .then comes home drunk and blames me for my friends acting like jerks to him because his need for attention is overwhelming to ppl as they see him as arrogent..he controls how I decorate the house or makes a grocery list and makes sure I stay home while he does the shopping cause he says I over shop and buy things that we don’t need..I canNEVER have company god forbid if someone just swings over to check on me..I’m physically drained ..I walk on egg shells ..he watches everything I do in the kitchen as if I’m doing it wrong..if i make a decision without him such as activities for an outting or a big purchase ..he goes into a rage..after a night out he will treat everyone with manners and charm..but when we get home all hell breaks loose claims I overtalked him pr ignored him or disrespected him and will NOT get off the subject until I even beg him or plead that I’m sorry ..this makes him really go into a rage physically..all i van do is cover my face and curl in a ball…I’m so afraid to leave and I have no where to go…stuck!…??

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