I’ve read several books about Narcissism (obtained at the library and big name bookstores) that were written by various psychologists and people with PhDs. None of the books I’ve read by these people would seem to help those suffering from Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome. This is sad, because these books are often the ones that victims turn to in order to make sense of the madness, myself included.
Inside these books, the reader is encouraged to learn about Narcissistic Personality Disorder, how their loved one developed it, and figure out ways to live with the Narc. They further suggest different methods of catching the Narc unawares in order to convince them to go into counseling. Just by suggesting to the Narcissist that it’s not their fault they act the way they do, that it might be neurological, or because they were treated badly as a child, the reader can prance down a yellow brick road, hand-in-hand with their abuser, and live happily ever after in a forest.
Yeah, good luck with that.
Time and again, the books go on about the same ole signs of Narcissism. You know the ones… believing that one is better than others; fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness; exaggerating one’s achievements or talents; expecting constant praise and admiration; believing that one is special and acting accordingly…blah, blah, blah.
Come on. Let’s look at the real signs and leave the boring, non-descript academia behind, shall we? People who are trying to make sense of the Clockwork Orange relationship they fell victim to aren’t going to be helped by any of these generic, dollar-store descriptions. The people who wrote these books have obviously never been a victim of Narcissism.
I’d love to see a doctor or psychologist come out with a book that shows Narcissism for what it really is. I’m not impressed by authors who spin off boring research from their psych books or “medical” websites. That would be the equivalent of me publishing a book about constructing a warship. Sure, I could learn about it, but would I relay what I learned in the same way as a person who has actually built one? No.
How about some real-life scenarios about Narcissists, doc? Like… calls wife a trashy whore but love-bombs her the next day; disappears for a few days for revenge when confronted with a lie or if wife doesn’t “listen”; steals or funnels money at every opportunity; has friends and acquaintances he has fooled for years; goes through wife’s personal belongings on a daily basis; lies upon opening mouth; feels he is king over everyone; fails to hold down steady employment while pretending to conduct family matters; avoids familial responsibilities at all cost, including those of his own offspring; never celebrates others’ birthdays or any special occasions; etc., etc.
There are some very good books out there by survivors who have self-published or gone through small publishing houses, but I wish these treasures could get to those who need it most, instead of the drivel that’s most accessible out there in book land.
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