How to Tell When a Narcissist is Lying

~ Believe Lie

When it comes to researching Narcissistic behaviors, “lying” is one that tops the charts.  Women and men all over the world are catching on to their abusive partner’s game, and they want to gain some advantage.

Only, the sad truth of the matter is, there is no practical method to determine if a Narcissist is lying.  One won’t be able to tell by observing the Narcissist.  There is no point in trying to read their body language or watch the movement of their eyes.  A Narcissist would probably pass a polygraph because they’ve become so adept at lying.  In many cases, they believe their own lies.

The only logical way to approach the issue is to use past data to make a hypothesis.  For instance, anyone who’s been with a Narcissist for a lengthy amount of time would be able to deduce, based on past physical data, that his or her Narcissistic partner lies approximately 80-90% of the time.

The only time a Narcissist will tell the truth is when they will benefit from doing so.  E.g.:

  • My car won’t start; can you give me a ride to work?
  • Your Aunt Grace’s chocolate chess pie is fantastic!  (In order that Aunt Grace may prepare another one for him/her later).
  • I’m going to be late for my appointment.  Will you fix my coffee, prepare my breakfast, iron my outfit, and start the car?
  • I’m not very good at paperwork.  Will you update my resume and perform a job search for me? (They don’t want the responsibility because typically, they won’t stay at the job for long, anyhow).

However, even the above scenarios which seem innocent and convincing, could be based on lies:

  • The chocolate pie that he’s trying to wheedle from Aunt Grace?  It’s entirely possible that he plans to offer the pie to his side-supply because she mentioned she loves chocolate pie, and will add that he made it himself.
  • The appointment he’s supposedly late for?  He may have plans to meet a potential new partner, or one he’s been seeing a while.  The kicker?  You’re the one putting in all the effort so he can traipse off to someone else’s bed.
  • The resume and job search?  It’s possible that he wants to give the appearance of having landed a job when the truth could be…he is traveling every day to other lovers…or just to the coffee shop, another town, etc.  Anything that is fun and reduces their boredom.

Narc-check:  I once knew of a Narcissist who’d go to his partner every year with the personal property bill for their car.  He always had an excuse as to why he couldn’t pay it.  Since his partner was the one who held steady employment, she always paid the bill.  It was later discovered that the Narcissist told his sister, brother, and parents the same thing in regards to not being able to foot the bill.  So, for a $400 bill, he would come away with $1200 in his pocket.

There is absolutely no way to ever really know if a Narcissist is telling the truth.  Unlike you and me, they don’t see the necessity in it.  In fact, honesty is a foreign concept to them and one reserved for chumps.  In their mind, life is a game and the only goal is to win.

3 Examples of Lies Told by the Narcissist

  • Criticizing – Narcissists tend to believe that others are jealous of them in all cases.  However, the truth is, they are the jealous ones.  In order to steal the spotlight from someone who is attractive, well-off financially, or is being recognized for something they did, the Narcissist will criticize and tell lies about that person.  The forums are full of beautiful, attractive, successful people who feel ugly and worthless due to the endless false criticism they received from a Narcissistic partner.

Narcissists are able to successfully criticize other people to the point of detriment because they do it in a way that comes across as genuine.  For example, during a smear campaign they are waging against someone, they will make their concerns seem valid…much in the way that political opponents do right before Election Day.

  • Gaslighting – This is an intentional form of brainwashing meant to erode the victim’s sense of reality.  There is really nothing off limits when it comes to this subtle form of abuse.

One of the most common gaslighting tactics is to insist they didn’t say something that you heard them say with your own ears.  If you call them out on it, they will pretend that you heard them wrong, they were just joking, or you perceived it the wrong way.  This is usually followed up by, “You are the only person who misunderstands me”.

Gaslighting can also consist of their taking, stealing, and moving objects of importance to the victim.  Examples:  car keys, cell phones, money, receipts, business cards, heirlooms, and toys that belong to the children.  In more insidious cases, they will hide or get rid of medications the victim needs in order to function and live, while insisting the victim lost them.

  • Plain Ole Lies – “I fed the cat” (when they didn’t), “I don’t have any money”(when they have a bill to pay and don’t want to), “Even your friends think you’re crazy” (to make you feel alone and isolated), “You’re friend has never liked me” (to convince you to get rid of the friend), “I was at the gym” (when they were with a lover), “I’ve always been faithful to you” (when they have other lovers on the side), etc.  Again, there are no limits with a Narcissist when it comes to lying.  They have no qualms about involving other family members or even their own children.  This is what makes them so dangerous.

The fact that you’re reading this article probably means you have discovered your partner is a bold liar.  This is the only thing that will remain constant in a relationship with a Narcissist.  Therefore, you must always assume the worst in this respect.

How do you know when a Narcissist is lying?  Usually, when their lips are moving and sound is coming out.

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  1. TruthSeeker

    I tried to get him out, and he followed me to court, and threatened me. He also told me that we NEED each other, which was true only as far as home repairs, and such, goes. However, he NEVER finishes what he starts, and it is not in his best interests. He wants to keep me hanging on, and makes the most outrageous excuses, and diversions, to keep putting things off. I do not know anything about electronics, and how things work. He does, and will do anything to screw me up. I have been absolutely devastated by this monster, and feel that I will soon lose my physical life because of his foul actions. I do not want him here, and do not have money. He has been stealing from me for years, and living free, by force. I need legal help, and I especially need Divine Intervention to get this monster out of my life permanently. I do not know how I have kept my sanity, and emotional/ mental health intact for so long. Perhaps, when I am weak, then I am strong. A friend in the same situation many years ago told me she was beginning to lose her sanity, and became homeless for awhile, because her ex had a whole lot of money, and works for ABC. He hired an attorney, and she lost everything. The house was not even equally split, and he was vile, and mentally ill. Apparently, some of them can hold down employment, but my monster cannot. Most everything he says is such a lie. He becomes angry, and defensive, and says “What is this”? “A courtroom?”.

  2. Mel

    I treat my ex narc with the most disdain but believe it or not keeps coming back ‘re hovering’ . Does he not understand that he cannot control me anymore. Tells lies all the time presumably to make his dull sad life meaningful. Sad bastard I sometimes feel sorry for him not… He can text as much as he likes there’s no going back, he can tell me he loves me a thousand d times a day, I will never trust that creature again. They are poisonous, toxic, sick in the head, all of them should be euthanized. The world would be a nicer place without them. Love to all Mel xx

  3. Melissa zajac

    What was needed for me was to learn how to detach from outcomes … And most certainly discern who was coming to me in a genuine way .. And who was coming to me just to use and abuse . Nothing about my gifts needed to change .. They just needed to be slightly mended and discernment needed to be learned .

    1. Kim Saeed

      Spot on, Melissa! One of the most important lessons I learned in my own recovery as well was learning not to attach myself to outcomes. I love, too, how you recognize that you don’t need to change your gifts, only who you share them with <3

  4. Melissa zajac

    My point is that is no way a negative .: I am nurturer therefore I attract people who need that ( I am a nurse also) it isn’t a negative …

    1. Cathy St. Romain

      Melissa I a nurturer too and have landed in so many relationships with narcissists. One I married and stayed with 12 years, another I was engaged to, he robbed my blind, I couldn’t get him out of my house and thought I was going to lose my mind. I’m in this forum now, because again, I think I’m dating a narcissist. It’s only been 3 weeks but Rec flags are flying. Still trying to discern …is this my paranoia or is it really happening again?” I have a tendency now to cut and run so fast I feel I’m shooting myself in the foot. Between a rock and a hard place. My present interest just texted that a girl was blatantly flirting with him today and how much he was enjoying it. I immediately erased the text because it was so hurtful, and he comes back with “this happened 3 years ago”…, so I’m
      Left feeling crazy again.
      Watching close & ready to cut.

      1. Anonymous

        Yes your gut knows let your heart block his number so your head can see his next move And Seriously do not continue a relationship with anyone who treats you bad …. if you had children and that individual was treating them like you’re being treated you would give them advice and so would I detach now before anymore hurt! Please listen to yourself or end up like many of us taken money gone married to them no supports cause we are crazy and constantly on the ouch me pull me game …. just read a book Women with controlling partners …. no way is mine controlling he is covert twisting stuff read awesomeness of a workbook from library yup he’s controlling all these sites forums others sharing fed up and earning each other this sucks cause we feel trapped and we are educate ourselves is the key reach out to like minded victims and learn how to get out before it’s too late! Treat you how you want to be treated as their worst we wouldn’t ever dream of doing to anyone!!! Listen to you gut and run now far and fast cut that person off and out or they will suck you emotionally financially and cognitively dry!!!!!!! You are not alone and the fact you’re here is a testament to the truth within you that you already know. He brave for you and your future!!!!

  5. Melissa zajac

    I just wanted to say a word about we attract who we are …

    I am a healer .. Therefore .. I attract people in need of healing . I am also a deeply contemplative soul .. So I attract people who ask me to pray for them ….

  6. DanQ

    some examples of the N in my life’s lies. they’re not my spouse, parent, or co-worker; he is my cousin. N=Narcissist by the way. stop being racist. < that's a joke.

    "nobody ever kicks and screams while having their hair pulled"
    says when he was a kid, he saw my mother being dragged by her hair down a flight of stairs. after a year, i finally approached her about it and she said she did indeed tried to fight and scream for help.

    "cops don't care about kids; when i was a kid, the cops came to my house all the time and they never cared about what i had to say."
    i told my mother this and she told me a very interesting story that HE NEVER told me.
    when he was a kid, my mother and a family friend were babysitting him. they told him to do his homework, but he wouldn't do it. my mother threatened to tell his dad about it when he got home if he didn't do it. he hates his dad. so, he called 911, told the cops that my mother was hurting him and hung up the phone. the cops showed up and found out that he had been lying about it. they took him aside and very gently told him that it isn't right to call the police and lie about something like that. ever since, he has hated cops and doesn't respect them. (N's hate people with authority)

    told me that while he was living with our grandparents, they had several rules, one of them being that he wasn't allowed to have girls over. he told me he understood that rule and respected it, and also said that at the time he was getting over a previous ex and that he had no interest in being involved with girls.
    several months later, somehow we got onto the subject of girls with weird features (boys will be boys). we got onto the topic of weird nipples. immediately, almost as if a lightbulb went off in his head, he tells me this story. and it's almost verbatim.
    "oh! that reminds me. when i was living with grandma ____ and grandpa ____, this girl came over, and we were in my room. she was a virgin and wanted to f***. but when she took off her shirt, she had weird nipples and i told her that was a 'dealbreaker'".
    i wanted to ask him "but didn't you say you werent allowed to have girls over and that you never did?" but i didn't, because I WANTED to believe him. so i played along and asked him "damn, she must have been angry; girls don't like it when you turn them down." his response: "nah, she was cool with it". i then asked "well, what happened after that? it must have been awkward." his reponse: "nah, we just chilled and watched tv for like an hour and she went home."
    he gave no specifics. didnt tell me her name, how they met; NOTHING. a very vague story that made him look good, as if he is a babe magnet and he can turn down virgins like it is nothing just because they have weird nipples. as if he is clark gable or something. "frankly my dear…i don't give a damn…"

    all of their lies are simply to make themselves appear to be something that they are not. they will lie to win an argument, creating BS counter arguments and backing them up with "truths" that almost seem convincing. those are just a few of MANY lies that this N has told me. don't believe a word they say and do your best to get away from them.

  7. they stare, they stare because they are looking to see if we are believing them.

    It is a liar’s body language

  8. Lisa

    I was thinking maybe 50% or even a conservative 25% for mine, but when I read “How do you know when a Narcissist is lying? Usually, when their lips are moving and sound is coming out,” I laughed out loud. Thanks.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Thanks for stopping by, Lisa! Glad you got a chuckle from reading the post 🙂

  9. Pingback: Identification | Process of Elimination: Understanding Narcissistic Personality Disorder

  10. I recently found out that someone I considered a dear friend was a notorious Narc and had lied about everything she had ever told me about herself. For instance….

    She told me her husband died in the great explosion at a Texas City oil refinery. Lie! He died of a drug overdose.
    She told me she had stock in Whole Foods that had split and that was where her vast riches came from. Lie! She was asking her sister and another friend, who didn’t know about each other, to pay the same bills. She would pay the bill, which wasn’t even close to the dollar amount she told them and pocket the rest. She did this successfully for almost ten years and never had to work. The other part was that she drew unemployment too for the first two years before her benefits ran out.
    I could go on and on with more lies she told me, but I’ll close with this one.
    She made fun of one of our friends for having plastic surgery, claiming she would never do that to herself. Lie! I found out that when her mother died and left her 20K, she spent all of it to get a new face. That’s why every picture of her prior to that surgery had been destroyed. The worst part was that when she got her new face, she was otherwise flat broke and trying to raise a child.

    I reeled with confusion and betrayal for some time before cutting off all contact with her. There was nothing she could ever do to repair the amount of damage she did to my trust. It was appalling.

    Liars suck!!

    1. TruthSeeker

      I have a monster under my roof who cannot tell the truth about much of anything, and he is most definitely a gas lighter. He is trying to make me, and a few other parties out to have a hearing problem. We know what he says because we both heard it. Then he became angry, confronted the witness, and she became scared, and said she is confused, and has a language barrier. I do not blame her for trying to protect herself. The monster calls everybody else a liar, including me. Even though there is nothing to gain from my lying about his terror, and abuse. He always pulls up the race card, and right now, he is telling me that God will bring death on all of us. He says we are all workers of iniquity, and that we are playing Judge, Jury, and executioner.I need to tape record him because he will not stop. I have even caught him attempting to steal more items from me, a while back, and he even denied that.

  11. Denise

    My ex had a video on his phone, he was filming a young girl that worked in his office eating a salad and totally flirting with her, and she was sucking it up. He was saying things like “who’s your daddy” and commenting on the way she put tomatoes in her mouth. When I confronted him, he tried to tell me it wasn’t him, and think he realized halfway through his lie that he wasn’t going to get away with it. Hello…I’ve been with you 8 years, I’m pretty sure I know your voice! Several months later at his company Xmas party she approached us at our table, totally ignored me and got in his face and said she never wanted anything to do with him again, I can only guess it was because I was there. Come to find out he had many of these flirtatious relationships with co-workers, just waiting for the one that offered him to move in with her because I was such a horrible ogre. He left one night and I never saw him again for a year. No explanation, no goodbye, not even a phone call..

  12. Mindthegap

    I was abused as a child and I developed unhealthy (abusive) relationships as an adult. Like you Kim, I used to be a fan of Wayne Dyer, but now I’m starting to learn about boundaries, it makes logical sense why I would ‘attract’ an abusive partner. Whether you love yourself or not, if you don’t know about boundaries or your boundaries were stretched when you were growing up, how are you to recognise when someone oversteps them?
    I was interested in the ‘New Age’ stuff big time for years, esp the stuff which talks about raising your vibration and I spent many years trying to raise it. I think this is a load of baloney now. I thought I could read energy until I realised I was suffering with paranoia myself. Partly down to the years of brainwashing. I was brought up by a paranoid schizophrenic mother and an abusive father which warped my sense of reality. Now I stay clear of any ‘spiritual’ stuff as, in my experience, it only masks problems, prolongs them in the long term or makes them worse eventually. For a while (some years in my case) things will seem better. This will be short-lived as you need actual tools to help you heal, not positive thinking or simply learning to accept/love yourself. Those of us who have been abused are more vulnerable. Sometimes we lack logic which makes us open to persuasion and manipulation. I spent a great deal of time learning about cults when I started to deprogramme myself. I used to be vegan too. Interestingly, many cult leaders persuade you that being vegan raises your energy – this change of diet can make you more susceptible to.. brainwashing. I don’t mean to sound offensive and I’m sure Wayne has helped a lot of people feel more positive about themselves. Don’t deny getting real professional help from trained psychotherapists, psychologists etc. If you are worried about ‘attracting’ another abusive partner, you need to have the tools to enable you to recognise your own behaviour and when others are overstepping boundaries. This is where having a therapist will do you the world of good. They have a healthy perspective/healthy boundaries.. if they are good professionals. It can years to heal from the abuse you have endured. You might not be able to even see the damage yourself. Good luck x

  13. Anon

    Hi Kim,
    I just wanted to share with you the Ancient Indian Vedic perspective on this. In Vedic Astrology,people born under certain Nakshatras(ascerisms) have been preprogrammed (maybe with smaller amygdalas or childhood experiences) to have no conscience. Their holy mission is to make others ‘understand’ themselves. You cannot win over them as they have Gods grace. You can only ‘understand’ and move on to a higher plane in life.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Anon, thank you for offering this perspective. I’ve often pondered a similar theory. Either way, the experience is certainly life-changing. I have read in various medical publications that those with no conscience have a small or dysfunctional amygdala. (Not that we should sympathize with them, i.e., remain in an abusive relationship).

      I like your input about moving on to a higher plane…

  14. Marisa Cuellar

    I think my husband is a narcissistic person. He blames me for everything, puts me down all the time, doesn’t care about what I have to say and is just cold hearted in a heated argument. We can’t ever just talk things through. He just attacks me with a lot of context. I’m so overwhelmed. I had a job and he wanted me to quit because I was never home so I did and when I started working from home it was clean this and clean that, make dinner. He should have just told me to slave for him. now I’m going to school and have a part time home business he still expects me to be a slave and he stays home all day. I try to defend myself and he gets out of control. He lies all the time but either he’s gotten better at lying or I’m just too overwhelmed to care anymore. I’m exhausted already. I have nowhere to go if I leave him. He pays for everything I have, I have a child with him and another that is not his from a previous relationship. This guy kicks me out every week and once i pack my stuff he wants me to stay which wastes a lot of my time because he usually does it on days that I either have an order for my business or have lots of homework. I know I’m a strong person. I’ve overcome many uncommon things in life but I don’t see him changing. He just follows what everyone else does. He started going to school because I started which was great until he admitted that he started because he was jealous. Then I had to quit because there was no time for our family. Now he puts me down because he has more college hours than I do and on top of that he is going to school for pyschology. WTF! lol! His BFF is doing the same thing. Now my good friend started a business lately and he decided to take her idea a make money on the side doing the same thing but with cheaper items. That’s horrible and now we are not friends because of him. ok i’m done venting

    1. Kim Saeed

      Marisa, have you visited social services to see what you would qualify for as a low-income single parent, in the event you did leave? They might be able to offer some sort of assisted living or financial assistance for an apartment or hotel.

      Your situation sounds very much like what I went through before I left. It often seems there’s no way out at first,but there usually are ways we aren’t thinking of because we just spend every day trying to survive from sun-up to sun-down.

      When you can, sit down and brainstorm. Your escape could be nearer than you think…

  15. Dawn

    Yes, I hate the lying! My narcissistic mother lies constantly. I don’t trust her one tiny bit. My husband will look you straight in the eye and lie through his teeth. I’ve caught him in lies, and boy, does that ever enrage him! He got a text once from someone saying for him to call, and I asked, “Who is that?” And he said, “Hmmmm……I don’t know, it might be that guy (yes, a guy!) I met the other day.” But I knew…..I just knew he was lying……..I think that being an empath helps me to “pick up on” some type of energy people give off when they’re lying…..I really don’t know. But I just knew it. So, I questioned him, and he lied repeatedly. Then he got indignant, and self-righteous. How dare I question him! When was I ever going to trust him again? What’s a poor guy to do? (Well, I discovered that he had been having sex with BOTH men and women…….geez.) Finally, he admitted it was a guy he had met when he was meeting up for anonymous man-sex.

  16. Carrie

    I used to get obsessed with finding out the truth, just to prove to myself I wasn’t crazy.
    He used to say, “If you knew the truth you would feel really stupid, its not near what you are thinking.”(no it was always way worse than anything I could think of)
    I’d say so tell me the truth then
    He’d say,”why bother, you never believe me anyway” around and around we go.
    He also used to say he only had sex with “her” once. (as if that would make it ok)
    Finally one day I said, “Gee I feel sorry for you, you must really question your ability as a lover.”
    He snorted and said why would you say that?
    I said”because women only ever have sex with you one time and never want to have sex with you again. A lot of men would have trouble with that. Good for you that it doesn’t bother you.”
    Him, “we had sex more than once.”
    Me, “I knew it!!!!!!!”
    Him,” fuck.”

    1. Kim Saeed

      This sounds very similar to conversations I used to have with my Ex. They are so very predictable. Once we learn their personality type, it makes everything so clear.

      I, too, was obsessed with finding out the truth. In fact, discovering that 90% of what he said was lies started my path to freedom. After several big whoppers he told, which made me feel as if I’d been punched in the stomach, I decided to leave.

  17. Christina

    Thank-you so much for all your wonderful posts, I have been reading your blog for the last few days. I was in a relationship with my narc for 7 months. The last few months have been absolute hell and if it wasn’t for my wonderful loyal friends and family who have been unfailingly supportive and protective…I think I would have gone crazy. The lies were endless. I knew he lied about so many things in his past because I know a lot of people in town who have worked with him or knew his previous girlfriends. Still I felt sorry for him and thought that I could show him how to be a better man. I thought you would enjoy hearing about the last straw lie which I have decided to laugh about instead of letting it break me. Last week, after nearly two months after our breakup he invited me around to the place he is currently staying with his kids. With no job once again and no money, he is sharing a room with his two teenage children at a friend’s house and has been there for the last 4 months. He has been calling and texting me daily since we broke up. He told me constantly that he loved me and was lost without me. I think he was lost without my financial help, my car to run him around and just my company since apart from the people he lives with he has no friends left in town. Anyway, I told him last week I was no booty call but if he wanted to remain friends I was willing to be there for him and I could come visit for a while as long as he stopped asking me to sleep with him. He texted 20 times last Friday constantly asking me to visit that afternoon/night as he was home alone and lonely. Against my better judgement and on the agreement that it was only a friendly visit I told him over the phone I would drop around. He had called me 3 times after I finished work. I had already left when he said he’d just had a cold shower but couldn’t stop thinking about being with me as more than a friend so I better not come around after all. I texted back too late I’d already left so I’d just visit him for 5 minutes then be on my way. I got there and the house was locked up. I knocked a few times and texted him I was out the front and where was he? No answer, I texted him asking him what was going on? No answer. I walked around the side and entered through the laundry and all the lights were off and no one was home. His bedroom door was locked but his car was out front. I walked out the back and looked through the bedroom window but it was empty. I texted him again and asked how could he do this to me? I was only trying to be a good friend and just because I wouldn’t sleep with him this is what he did? Well I blocked him on everything…Facebook and my phone and got all my friends to block him too. By the next day he’d left his first message begging me to call so he could explain. 4 days later and he’d tried me several times begging me to call. He’d tried my friends and said he was devastated he was blocked. My friends asked me what lie I thought he’d come up with and I joked he’d probably say he walked out the front of his home to see if I’d arrived and was attacked by a large dog and was bleeding to death but was discovered by a neighbour who called an ambulance. He begged for the ambulance to wait for him to arrive but he would have bled to death if they didn’t take him away. Well we all had a laugh at my joke but lo and behold a few days later he created a new Facebook account to message me and say he had tried to jump over a 6ft fence before I made it to his place and landed on his head on concrete in the neighbour’s yard. The neighbour called the police and ambulance and he was in hospital all weekend. He told everyone that all he wanted was me by his side and his physical injuries were nothing compared to how his heart hurt that I would think the worst of him. He called me one day and I answered since he blocked his number and begged me to give him another chance. He said if I couldn’t take his word for it I could ask all his housemates. Stupidly I did, thinking how could so many people lie for him. I had rang the hospital though and they had no record of him ever being there. OK phew…sorry I know this is long. Fast forward a few days and a few visits with a phony fake bandage and him trying desperately to keep me away from his housemates by meeting me at my car. I visited him unexpectedly two times at weird hours and the first time he wouldn’t let me in saying he had to get dressed, five minutes later appearing at the door with his fake bandage and saying his son wasn’t dressed so he couldn’t let me in. The day before yesterday I did it again. Well he walked around looking so scared the gig was up in front of everyone. Wearing his sunglasses halfway down his forehead because he had no bandage on. I innocently asked his flatmates how he’d been coping since the accident and of course they had no clue, I ripped his sunnies off after he tried to dodge me 4 times and no injury! LOL! I told them about the texts, told him I never wanna see him again very calmly and said he could keep the money he owed me it wasn’t worth it. Bye, bye and have a nice life :-D.

  18. How to tell when Kevin was lying. At least half of what he said every time he opened his mouth was untrue. He was skilled at taking a small kernel of truth and pounding it with a sledgehammer until it was cracked open and half-crumbled… so long as it contained a tiny fraction of the truth, he presented it as such. Then each time you would catch him in a lie, he would insist that he never said it and call you the liar. So now he could be right and he could also use this as one more piece of evidence that you are nuts and HE is the victim.

    He also excelled at lying by omission. And leading you to believe something even if he didn’t come out and say it directly but said the same thing using very ambiguous wording.

    But even he had physical tell-tale sigs that would betray him. He would look up and to the left and he would say “you know” a lot. In fact he didn’t even realize it until I decided to speak up and tell him I caught him in a lie, and I had to tell him every time he did this thing with his eyes, I knew he wasn’t telling the truth. He tried not to do it but he never succeeded at it.

  19. navigator1965

    I had this: “… insist they didn’t say something that you heard them say with your own ears. If you call them out on it, they will pretend that you heard them wrong, they were just joking, or you perceived it the wrong way.”

    You can wonder if you’re going crazy.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Thank you, Diana. I think most people who read the title come to the same conclusion 🙂

  20. L D

    Hi Kim…when I read the subject line/title “How to Tell When a Narcissist is Lying” my first thought was, “When he’s speaking?” LOL “When he’s breathing?” hehehehe


    1. Kim Saeed

      Thanks! You’re quite attractive yourself…another reason for me to go full-on veggie, and one day…vegan! It’s a fact that the vegan diet halts and reverses aging and you’re living proof!

  21. April 29, 2013 was the day I discovered my Ex-husband was a skilled liar and that everything I believed to be true, everything he told me were all lies. In fact, I am almost 100% certain, everything out of his mouth from the time we met (2000) until the day we parted ways, never to speak again (2013) have been nothing but LIES!!! As I often say, [insert real name here] has more stories than a f*cking library!

    1. Kim Saeed

      The scary part is these people are weaving through society undetected. Although WE know what they are, they’ve been fooling others for years. I hope one day, which will be when I’m gone most likely, their existence will be brought into the public eye and there will be some sort of test available upon adulthood that people will have to take before integrating into society. Those who fail would be banned to another planet.

      1. That would be nice.

        Currently, my fear has been, and continues to be, that I will attract another person, like my Ex which is why I refuse to date and have devoted time to working on myself. I loved your post on “raising vibration”. I’m going to re-read it again but I found it fascinating.

        Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “We don’t attract what we want. We attract what we are.” and if what he says is true, then what kind of person was I to attract a pathological lying narc like my Ex???

        1. Kim Saeed

          I love Wayne Dyer. I think what he means when he says that is: when we attract what we are, it means we attract our truth…meaning, if we don’t love ourselves, and we believe we are unattractive or unworthy, then the law of physics states we can’t attract anything higher than that vibrationally. We have to align ourselves with what we want. So in order to truly attract what we want, we have to attain the feeling of already being in that place. That’s why meditation and visualization is so crucial. During visualization, we have to feel as if we already have what we want…and believe it. Once we get to that higher place energetically, things will fall into place. When I’ve had moments of alignment, things really did happen as if by magic.

          1. Ah, ok, I see. Thank you for breaking this down for me. So in order to attract what I want, I first have to believe it within myself? Is that about right?

            I haven’t meditated in over a month. Shame on me!

          2. Kim Saeed

            Exactly! That’s what “being in alignment” means, or as Abraham Hicks says, being in the Vortex. You should check out her videos on YouTube if you haven’t already.

            Our thoughts pretty much create our reality because what we think goes out into the Universe, and that’s what comes back to us. The Universe doesn’t determine whether we think a thought is bad or good. It only gives us what we think about and what we believe. So, if we hold limiting beliefs about ourselves, that’s what we manifest as our reality.

          3. No wonder I have always attracted horrible men into my life (and horrible friends). I’m taking some copious notes… thank you again for breaking this down for me.

            I have never heard of Abraham Hicks… heading on over to YouTube now….Thanks!


          4. Kim Saeed

            I think you’ll like her. Warning, she does present as though she’s talking through a spirit…so that part might be a little alarming, but her overall messages are spot on!

          5. Kim Saeed


            “When your desire becomes your dominant belief, its attainment is inevitable.” Neville Goddard

          6. Kim Saeed

            😀 Great thinking! Posting quotes, cards, etc. is an excellent way to keep your thoughts in alignment! I have a vision board right above my laptop 🙂

  22. this was so absolutely excellent!! I remember when my stepdaugther at the age of 8 described her Mother (who has narcissistic tendencies) with the following: “My Mommy just exaggerates a lot.” I remember thinking to myself “Most adults would have another word than ‘exaggerating’ to describe what your Mother does- it’s called ‘telling lies’ “. Of course, I would never say this to my stepdaughter. I found it interesting she was picking up that something was off.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Thank you, Kimberly!

      Wow…when an 8 yr-old is picking up on these things, it’s really rather frightening. Perhaps step-mom has confessed she exaggerates in order to pave the way for lies she knows she’ll tell in the future.

      What a horrible role model for a child.

    2. johndoe

      It’s easy to tell when a NARCISSIST is LYING.Their LIPS are MOVING !!

  23. Pingback: Re-blog: HOW TO TELL WHEN A NARCISSIST IS LYING | My Abandoned Self ©

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