FAQ Friday – What is a Narcissist Thinking When They Discard You?
By the time the Narcissist begins to discard you, the gig is pretty much up. Your only role at this point is a spot in the queue of supply – they’ve already found new supply, and you are considered a loose end. However, because you might still offer some type of benefit to the Narcissist, it’s possible that they will discard you and then come back around later in order to exploit you some more. I’ve heard of their coming back around after 2-3 years, wheedling their way in to gain some type of financial advantage, and then immediately dumping their unsuspecting victim.
This is a very painful experience for the person being discarded. By this point, you feel unloved, unattractive, and unworthy. If you have been discarded by a Narcissist, it’s crucial to understand that they groomed you to feel this way because they knew from the beginning that the relationship wouldn’t last, and they must make you feel at fault. One of the primary goals of the Narcissist is – Accept No Accountability.
I know it feels real. You subconsciously view the Narcissist as some sort of demi-god as they sit way up on a pedestal, while you are underneath them, “crawling around in the dirt”. But, that’s only an illusion. The Narcissist used very specific techniques of psychological conditioning to create and foster this belief in your psyche.
Even when you were sure they were your soul mate, they had dirty deeds on their mind. Of course, to the Narcissist, they don’t see their motives and actions as anything less than necessary. They don’t stop to consider whether what they are doing is hurtful. Everything they do and say is to protect their ego and their livelihood. That’s why the Narcissist’s partners (and friends, family, children) are called “Sources of Supply”. Ultimately, that’s all we are to them.
What About Me?
Now that you understand the Narcissist’s thoughts during the Discard Phase, let’s talk about yours.
Narcissists strategically target and violate your Inner Child. Some of you may not even realize you have an Inner Child, but we all do. And we have stages of arrested development that we’ve carried around in our subconscious minds from hurts we experienced as babies, children, and young adults. These events may have happened in the home, in school, in Church, or even from our friends (possibly a combination of all of those things).
Because of this, we often react to people and situations out of the pain our Inner Child is suffering. Regarding a relationship with a Narcissist, have you ever noticed that in addition to so-called “romance”, there is the flavor of a parent-child relationship? You must do as they say or you get punished when you don’t?
Do you often feel desperate, helpless, scared, angry, lonely, or even suicidal? That could be your 6-yr old acting out. Do you keep attracting the same kind of toxic partners in your romantic relationships? That might be your 15-yr old self, who hasn’t matured in that area.
The blowout from Narcissistic Napalm includes many conditions (PTSD, C-PTSD, Trauma Bonding, etc.), but healing your Inner Child is a wonderful step in your path to recovery. If you start the process of healing your Inner Child, you will find that many of your other symptoms will fall away.
**If you’re interested in some quick resources on healing your Inner Child, click here.
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