Q&A Tuesday: Why is My Narcissistic Ex so Mean Now That He’s Found New Supply?
They really are all the same, huh?
Meet the “Emotionally Immature, Socially-Challenged Narcissist”. This is typically the Narcissist who never made anything of themselves and has spent their entire life living off of other people.
Narcissists are compulsive, having never matured emotionally. A particular part of their brain never developed the ability to relate to others as whole people. In fact, to the Narcissist, all of their partners are one and the same. The temporary exception being the new supply who is being love-bombed.
In regards to being treated badly once the Narcissist discards you (after securing new supply), it’s important to look beyond surface facades and remember what you’re dealing with. The Narcissist isn’t treating you badly because you deserve it in any way. They are simply using you as an outlet for their juvenile tantrums because they cannot do that with the new supply.
Think of the Narcissist as a volcano, whose underbelly is stewing and churning with anger and contempt, yet with no immediate receptacle for their molten lava. They cannot logically unload it onto the new supply, so what’s a Narc to do? They call you of course; to let it all out – or alternately, send a scathing email. (On that note, this is another good reason for you to block their phone number and email, especially if there are no children involved).
The Narcissist may look jovial and happy beyond recognition with their new partner, but it’s all a smokescreen. This particular type of Narcissist deplores having to appear happy all the time, and further, they despise spending money if said spending is not directly related to them. Securing new supply equals dinner dates, movies, and mushy phone calls late into the night. To the Narcissist, all of this is tiresome and costly. To a creature arrested in self-centeredness, any effort or money spent on someone besides themselves is profane; a necessary evil.
But as all of us who’ve been with this type of Narcissist know, they keep a running ledger of whatever resources they invested during the love-bombing phase, and will recoup those resources one hundred-fold.
Now that you understand the Narcissist’s recent crankiness, the only thing to do is stop them in their tracks when they try to lay their junk at your feet. Don’t eat the farce meat; block any of their attempts to contact you, which will in turn force them to chew on their own cud…or send the new supply screaming into the horizon.
Grown tired of your toxic partner’s juvenile games? I did, too. That’s why I wrote How to Do No Contact Like a Boss!
Do you have a burning question about your partner’s dubious behaviors? Submit them to email@example.com and your question will be entered into our database and possibly included in a future publication.
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© Kim Saeed and Let Me Reach, 2016