What Are You Doing Right Now To Change Your Life?

Put down that doughnut, close Facebook and let me pose a serious question… What are you doing to change your circumstances besides hoping for a magical, lucky break?

So many people talk about their dreams, adding, “one day…”, “someday…”, or “when I get lucky; stable; have more time; lose weight; win the lottery; quit my job”, and the list goes on.  We’re all guilty of it.  I still say those things from time to time.  But although I have my eye on the future, I’m working on creating that future.  I get up every day with a schedule of what I’m going to do to touch my readers, which marketing angles I can use to reach a bigger audience, how to focus my content on what brings value, and analyzing my page clicks so that I can bring my followers more of what they want.  Because in the end, it’s not about me.  My entire purpose is to reach out to as many people as I can in order to assist them in realizing that their circumstances in life do not have to depend on luck or a manipulative partner.  I’ve been through a lot, but that hasn’t stopped me.  When I first came out of my own abusive relationship, it took sheer, raw willpower to not just give up.  It would have been so easy to do.

I acknowledge that sometimes we are met with bumps in the road.  Life gets put on hold. But, we have to dig our heels in and pick up where we left off.  You do have control over your life and your future, but the first step is saying you can.  Whatever goal you want to reach, whatever you want to do in life, your success originates from your attitude.  And it’s got to be a good one. Believe that you can, and you’d be surprised at what you can achieve in life.

So, I ask you again… what are you doing right now to change your life?

A year from now, you’ll wish you’d started today.

“Today marks the beginning of my new, better life; Today I commit to constantly work outside of my comfort zone; Today I take one step closer to my dreams” – Neale Donald Walsch

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  1. Toodles

    Another great post.
    About a month ago, I decided to take a leap. The first step to escaping my almost 4 year living hell relationship with my narc-sociopath. We have a child, and I know he will fight for full custody, so I’ve been making excuses for the past 2 years as to why I should wait to leave. I’ve been waiting on him to “screw up”, get another DUI, get in trouble with the law..SOMETHING!!! So I could take our kid and run, pointing the finger at his bad deed so I wouldn’t be the “bad guy” for breaking up our family. There was no straw that broke the camels back, per se. I just woke up one day and realized I couldn’t live like this any longer. Walking on eggshells, being lied to constantly, feeling like and knowing that my opinion doesn’t matter, being scorned when I actually express an opinion, being belittled and called names, the list goes on and on.

    I have a lawyer now who fully understands narc-sociopath personality types, and just last week i put a contract in on a new home for my child and I, I have an exit plan and the narc is none the wiser. The big day, D-Day as I’m calling it, is less than a month away and I am flat out terrified. The verbal abuse has turned slightly physical for the first time ever, because he can sense something different about me. I’m pulling away. I don’t care what he says to me, I have an inner piece and joy that he can’t shake or take. It’s driving him absolutely mad. I don’t know how I’m going to keep up the “cool” act for another month because he is becoming increasingly agressive verbally and now physically. It’s not toward me that he’s physical, but toward our child. Slapping and intimidating. I’ve taken photos and recorded the 2 episodes with my lawyer, but am terrified to call CPS because he has a way of charming people and convincing them everything is a misunderstanding. If they didn’t take him away- I would be stuck to deal with his nightmarish backlash until we have a safe place to go, which we don’t for another month.

    Anyhow, I say all that to say this. The problem will get worse before it gets better. I anticipate being stalked at our new home, my reputation run through the mud and possibly worse. Probably worse, actually. But it will all be worth it. We will he free to love, free to live our lives without the condemnation of this evil person who doesn’t deserve another year or even day of our precious lives.

    Thank you for your post. Thank you for your blog, which I’ve been following for awhile now. You are an amazing person and a blessing to my life. Keep it up!

    1. Kim Saeed

      Toodles, I am so glad you’ve planned your exit strategy. It takes a lot of courage and patience to do what you are doing.

      I know you have an attorney, but you may want to contact your local Domestic Violence center (on the sly), explain your situation, and see if they can provide you with transitional housing until you close on your home, especially that he is getting more aggressive towards your child. If they can offer that to you, get out before he does more emotional damage to your child (and you, as well) or maybe even worse. Most localities will also provide a police officer in the event you need to go back to the shared residence to get your things. If you have anything sentimental or valuable, gather those things before you leave and give them to someone who can store them until you get into your house.

      You are right, it always gets worse before it gets better, but you are doing the best thing for you and your child. It’s likely he may stalk you. And yes, the smear campaign. My advice is to ignore the smear campaign, keep on documenting everything, and if he stalks you, go back to the Domestic Violence center to see if they can give you a court advocate and file a restraining order or Protective Order. Make sure to document EVERYTHING he says and does, and hang onto any emails, texts, and voice mails he might leave you. Let your lawyer decide if they can be used against him…

      CPS didn’t help me at all, but my local Domestic Violence center was extremely helpful and prepared me so well that I was able to win a restraining order Pro Se against my Ex and his attorney…

      Best of luck. Keeping my fingers crossed for you and your child. Regarding custody, he might threaten to file for full custody, but if he has a sketchy background, and you have evidence that he is assaulting your child, you might be able to get full custody, with him having supervised visitation based on the mental abuse and physical aggressiveness towards your child.

  2. Your positive attitude is both inspiring and contagious! I sense something bigger than all of us is happening, and we are all part of it…taking on new purpose as we rise out of the ashes! Thank you for pressing on and reaching out?

  3. Anonymous

    Feel your words! All so true! I believe in the rewards we weep, when we do indeed, step out of our “comfort zone”Not only do magical things start to appear on the outside,but our insides soar with self esteem, confidence, and strength beyond measures.All things I believe are mirrors to look through,to help feel and see the “why” we chose Narcissistic in our lives,Doing our true inner work, is truly the answer! I feel your heart, and think its wonderful that you have created this site.I look forward to your posts and the wonderful words you share. It is a daily bedtime ritual, that I read a topic or two you share,it helps so much,to stay grounded and focused on and reasons why , “NO Contact” is the only way, to real heal from a Narc,and the only way to start to heal #1-which is ourselves.
    With appreciation
    Best, Terri 🙂

    1. Kim Saeed


      Thank you for your kind, encouraging words. I loved your comment, “Doing our true inner work is truly the answer”. Wiser words have never been spoken.

      I am so happy to know that my site has been helpful to you. Its comments like yours that give me inspiration 🙂 Thank you for following me!

  4. I am a believer in changing your circumstances if you are not happy where you are, though it is much easier said than done! I have been searching, applying and interviewing for jobs for the past six months and I’ve found nothing. I know the economy is bad and it’s rough out there for everyone, but I’m finding it very difficult to change my circumstances! Most recently I took the bull by the horns and married the love of my life, which makes the other stuff in my life a lot easier to bear (yay!). I won’t give up, I couldn’t even if I wanted to, but the road is uphill for me right now. So I am taking it one day at a time!

    1. Kim Saeed

      You’re right…it’s easier said than done! But it seems the only real root of success is persistence.

      I am in a similar situation right now. All I can do is continue to search for employment that I would be happy with and keep reminding myself that as long as it doesn’t come, it means I am supposed to be doing something else with my time until it does (in my case, my blog).

      Congrats on your marriage! That’s very exciting!

      Keep on putting one foot in front of the other (as you have been) and things will eventually fall into place 🙂

  5. Kinetix

    I am glad you brought this up because I’m passed the hurt and pain from my relationship with my ex-narc and am healing and moving on. So, what am I doing to change my life? I’m on a 25 day streak of daily prayer, journaling and meditation with the intention that they become long term habits that soothe my soul. These activities give me a refreshed and exciting outlook on life.

    I’ve also been seeing a therapist with the intention of releasing past hurts so they don’t weigh down on me.
    Getting out of the house, smiling and socializing with family, friends and strangers. This shows me how much I matter to people and that my health, and state of mind is important to people that care about me and that they will let me know when they think something is wrong(like being with a narc).

    Last but not least, seeking out resources that help my heal, recover and thrive such as your work, podcasts and books. They have been part of the foundation I’m building to become strong again.

    I didn’t mean to make this so long but I hope it helps other people too in getting better. Thanks again for your work!

  6. Kim, thank you for an important reminder that we need to take conscious action to move beyond defining ourselves as “victims” or “martyrs.” Regardless of the challenges we face because of past circumstances, we can move toward “the best we can imagine” through one thought or action a time.

    1. Kim Saeed

      Carol, I’m very happy to know you enjoyed my post 🙂 You are so right…”through one thought or action at a time”. It’s all about persistence <3

  7. In the Stillness of Willow Hill

    It’s funny….but when you feel safe and secure, it’s easier to work outside your comfort zone. When life is helter-skelter….we want to cling to any tiny comfort we can find. Once this “pretend-comfort-zone” completely crashes….then we learn to dance.

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