“I have feelings, but I am not ready for a relationship…”
Guest submission by ~Yasemin Selek~
It is one of the most disgusting and dangerous statements a person can hear. Hearing this is a sign that someone is willing to misuse something very precious: Your feelings.
Usually those kinds of statements come from the person after he secures the fact that you are devoted. If you ever express the reality of your feelings for him, it is from that point at his discretion how he wants to treat you. If he is decent enough, he will react appropriately no matter whether the feelings between the two of you are mutual. I am not saying that you should never express your feelings as a woman. Actually, do it! Do it, right after you know what you want. However, remember to follow what YOU want. Not what he feels like at that time of his life.
I am a person who can easily determine the wrong person for me, but sometimes I can be too considerate and choose to believe and reason with the person. But, everything has a good reason and a good meaning.
Have you ever come to a point, where you faced up a strange truth regarding the feelings of a person who has been chasing you? Did he state that he is not ready for a relationship? Take it as a good sign! Do you know what you should do? You should end everything right there! Leave him and escape from him…because these types like chasing you for their own reasons which you will never know.
They are seeing something special in you that you don’t see in yourself. They are actually able to see, that there cannot be established anything mutual and equal between the two of you. It does not necessarily mean you are less or someone else is more. It means you have to take back your courage, which allowed you to open your heart, and continue on your own way. It means you, from here, have to find yourself special.
Remember that being open is a rare quality not many people possess. Having respect for yourself, on the other hand, is an even greater quality. Put these qualities together and remove such a person from your life.
He will most probably come after you, come back or keep chasing you. He may even promise you things which you may not expect after hearing his “friendship” offer. He can fake another “reality” regarding the future of the two of you. He can see a great future with you all of a sudden just because he experiences a rejection. Don’t be surprised if he may want to marry you all of a sudden…
There is another possibility. He can just bring the reality of another woman and triangulate the situation. He can victimize himself on basis of another woman and how life is very troublesome for him at the moment. Do not feel sorry for him. After all it is his problem that you can’t be sure even exists. You are not going to be his hero, right? Be the hero of your own.
Do not believe him. All in all, he just wants to have you at his disposal. Why? As I said before, he has his own reasons which you are never going to know! I can, however, tell you what he means, if he is not ready for a relationship while he enjoys your friendship and all your beautiful qualities.
- I am sure of your feelings. Let’s see how much they are suitable for my shady personality.
- Let’s see if I can make you good enough for my own desires and let’s moreover see if I will still want you after shaping you! You already know that I am not going to give you more…Insist girl, chase me…let me enjoy you by all means.
- You are being honest and open. Do you really want something blurry? Foggy? Vague?
- I want to remain friends, because I am not sure what I want. I am not actually sure that I’m good enough. Being in a relationship requires responsibility. Think about this: I have to be there for you, either mentally or if possible physically, if I am in a relationship…hmmm…You can’t always ask for or expect from such a friend to be there for you. By the way, if by any chance, I am there for you as a so-called friend, I bet that you will declare me your hero. However, I doubt that you would do that if I am your boyfriend!
- I have already guaranteed your feelings. Let me see the other options around. Maybe there are better ones. The truth is everyone is special one way or another. I take that from you, this from her, it from the other and make a great patchwork…After all my desires are patchwork.
- To be honest, I want to see how much you can lose respect for yourself, for me.
- Ah! I am just so cool, clever and the most important! Someone cleverer would not want me, because deep inside I know that I am not worthy. Can you see that?
That is it! That is what it means. Sad but true. This person wants to “love you” from eye to eye, hand to hand, finger to finger, word to word, but not heart to heart. You are exclusive, but he can not be.
Having respect for yourself means disrespecting something like that. Before (or after) going through this with such a person, note that he does not want to be refused by the respect that you have for yourself. He will do his best to capture you. Ignore! Capture yourself/YOUR LIFE!
Your healed life starts with one step...
Get immediate access to this FREE recovery series to receive:
- My top resources for narcissistic abuse recovery
- Tips to detox from painful relationships
- Strategies to overpower your addiction to the narcissist
- and More!