When You Let the Narcissist Back Into Your Life
Doses as low as 0.1ml have been shown to be fatal; however, signs of poisoning begin showing after months of initial contact, which is definitely too late for any kind of treatment…
Wait a minute! Isn’t this post about what happens when you let the Narcissist back into your life?
Yes. Yes it is.
You are probably here because your Narcissist has shown signs of remorse. They’ve admitted their mistakes, promised to change, professed their undying love, and perhaps even agreed to counseling. I’m no genie or fortune-teller, but I can predict with 100% certainty that you will discover within a week (or less) that their confession and promises are all lies.
I know they seem convincing, but I have yet to learn of a happy ending after someone let the Narc run back into his or her forgiving arms. We hope for a better future and brush the abuse under the rug, chalking it up to human error.
The reality is that being in love with a Narcissist is like a slow poison. Their “love” is a covert killer, effective in minuscule amounts and undetectable. He or she may as well be adding a quarter teaspoon of arsenic to your morning joe. In the same way as the lion tamer is eventually killed by the lion, there is no happy ending with a Narcissist.
Whether your overt Narcissist is in the phase of discarding you or you’ve informed them of your intention to leave, he or she will be back. Unfortunately, this has nothing to do with love. It’s simply because they haven’t yet secured a new source of supply and/or they are going through withdrawal from not getting enough supply and they need a fix. This is when you see the person from the beginning of the relationship. They will say and do anything to get you back, promising you everything you ever wanted.
The sad part is we fall for it, effectively giving them a fresh round of tyrannical power over us. The Narcissist has no intention of keeping any of their promises. In the same way a drug addict robs a store or walker-by for money, the Narcissist will use cunning behavior to entice you back into the relationship. If the romantic act doesn’t work, they may resort to more drastic measures such as threatening to hurt themselves and/or saying “I can’t live without you”.
Since the Narcissist knows you better than anyone, they know how to make you feel sorry for them. This results in crazy-making phases of the two of you separating followed by the “ecstasy” of reconciling. Once you forgive them, they immediately revert back to their evil ways. After falling victim to this scam repeatedly, you begin to experience stomach pain, loss of appetite, mental confusion, irritability, excitability, irregular or rapid heartbeat…
Establish a “No Contact” rule. This doesn’t mean simply ignoring their phone calls until you’re sure they’re suffering from a broken heart and then letting them back into your life because you think they’ve had an epiphany, been anointed by the Love Gods, and were shown the error of their ways by a flock of angels who parted the clouds and touched down upon the earth. That may have happened to you, but it will never happen to the Narcissist. In fact, if an angel did try to approach the Narcissist, he or she would swat the divine spirit down like an annoying fly
Nope, it’s best to get out while you can by implementing No Contact, which is a military defense tactic and consists of the following:
- Blocking him or her from your phone, email, and social networks. If necessary, change the number on your cell and home phones.
- Don’t agree to meet them, in private or public. If they come to your home, don’t acknowledge them.
- Don’t accept any friend requests on social networks from people with no photo or whose profile is brand new.
- If the two of you have been living together in your residence, pack up their things and arrange to have them delivered to the Narc by a third party. Don’t give them any reason to come back to your home.
- If the two of you have mutual friends, it’s likely that you will need to cut ties with them because the Narc will use them to extract information about you and/or wage a smear campaign against you. (Use your best judgment. This isn’t always necessary, but be on the lookout for red flags).
- Don’t allow self-sabotage to set in. It’s highly likely you will begin to miss your Narc and go through emotional “withdrawal”. Don’t fool yourself into thinking the Narc feels the same way.
- These steps will need to be modified if you have children together, but you should at least plan on getting a mediator…and the sooner the better.
Still not convinced? Perhaps this article, Is There a Happy Ending With a Narcissist?, will save you from the slow poison of the Narcissist’s lethal love.
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