LMR Saturday Survivor – Inspirational Stories from the Front Line

The Day I Remembered Me

~Submitted by Kim Saeed~

February 11, 2011.  After nearly eight years of marriage to a Narcissist, I remembered me…and left the nightmare of Narcissistic abuse.

Little did I realize I’d been drawn to him partly because of my innate desire to help and heal others.  You see, I am an HSP (Highly Sensitive Person), an Empath, and INFJ on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI).  I was also an unaware co-dependent, and it took a relationship with a cluster-B disordered personality to bring all those tendencies to the surface.

Like me, individuals who share these traits feel such depth of emotion and love towards other people that we believe we can heal them. Because of our tireless efforts to help others believe in themselves, we are often successful in aiding them in overcoming issues of low self-esteem and disempowerment.  Only, with a Narcissist, it’s never enough.  They are empty inside; virtual bottomless vessels.

By the time I left, the depth of trauma caused by emotional and cruel verbal abuse produced symptoms of PTSD – which developed due to the cruelty of abandonment, betrayal, silent treatments, accusations, and the devaluing and discarding that takes place, not to mention being constantly subjected to crazy making behaviors within the relationship.  I suffered from cripplingly low self-esteem and thought I was never good enough, regardless of my accomplishments.  I was in a constant state of anxiety and depression.  These feelings were intensified due to my being an HSP.

Soon after leaving, I was stalked, harassed, spent a night in jail (for charges which were later dismissed), and lost two jobs.  I’d lost faith in myself, my dreams, and was a mere shell of the person I’d been before I met him.

But those are all things of the past.

I write this as a message of hope for sufferers of Narcissistic abuse.  You may feel you’re worthless, unlovable, and that things will never change.  I’m here to tell you they can, but only for you – and only after you leave.  After my “escape”, I graduated from college, am a certified Teacher, Law of Attraction practitioner, Chakra Healer, completing a program to be a Spiritual Healer, have started a practice to help others detach and move forward from Narcissistic abuse, and am pursuing my dream of being a published author. My children are happy, I’m happy, and life has never been better.

If you or someone you know is in a relationship with a Narcissist, I must tell you that they will never change.  The most constructive thing you can do is stop trying to “fix” them and the relationship.  Turn all of that love and caring onto yourself because your love will never make a difference to them.

In closing, I leave you with this moving song, which for me, is symbolic of the hopelessness of being in a relationship with a Narcissist…

Original link:  The Day I Remembered Me.

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  1. LC

    Hi! I wanted to share a little success story here as well, in order to encourage anyone who might be looking for a silver lining to their cloud. I went to court yesterday to obtain a permanent injunction against my narcissist husband (soon to be ex) and in spite of many odds against me (he never hit me or our kids, he presents as very “normal” in public, as many narcissists do, he openly denied most of my testimony) I was granted what I sought. He did manage to introduce some doubt in the mind of the judge about the nature of his aggression, heavily suggesting that it was due to me being unfaithful (completely fabricated), and there is a time when the injunction will expire, but I am so pleased and proud that I was able to go into a courtroom, testify to the truth, and receive legal protection from a judge who didn’t even want to grant the injunction — he kept telling me that this might interfere with my husband’s ability to be employed in certain jobs, over and over, but this is about safety, not my husband’s personal privilege. The judge told me I had to do more to prove my case because my husband had no criminal record and had a steady job, and if he had been unemployed with a record I wouldn’t have to work as hard. But still, after the evidence was shown, the judge said that even though he didn’t want to, he was forced to grant the injunction because the evidence was too strong, and my testimony was too consistent.

    I won a case against a white collar narcissist with no record.


    1. Kim Saeed

      Yay! Thank you for sharing your success story, LC! <3

  2. bethbyrnes

    I was with a narcissist for six years and that was over twenty years ago. He is still hovering around the edges of my life and makes contact when he wants something. Help of some sort, like helping him rent an apartment, or a loan (this after he stole from my family). They do make you feel worthless and you can never get rid of them entirely or change them. It is good to remember these classic traits. Amazing that they all share them so closely! Great post, as usual Kim. And of course, I am the classic empath!!! Sigh!

  3. Floy

    I love the positive energy of your story. Good for you, sister. You know what you deserve.

  4. Ness

    I was in a relationship with a narcissist for three years. The pain and suffering I endured at this time is still something I am trying to come to terms with. I left for good about 3 months ago. Just in a nick of time, any longer and his craziness and mind control would have completely destroyed me. I left 7 times due to the mental, social, financial and physical abuse. I have to start again now but will never return to him again. Things have improved in just 3 months so I m beginning to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I still sometimes find it hard to get rid of the pain in my heart, not because i still love him but because I loved a man who could treat me the way that he did. The final hurt was him meeting a woman very quickly after finally realising the relationship was over. Then boasting about how much better she was than me and how great his life had become. The stories that women share here, help me realise I am not alone and that there are others out there dealing with these very emotions now. Thank you

    1. Kim Saeed

      Thank you for sharing and commenting, Ness. I’m glad you have been able to get some validation from reading others’ stories.

  5. I love your new Saturday focus! It gives such hope and encouragement to know that we are not alone- narcissistic abuse is real, and soul destroying. I was reduced to an empty, emotionless shell after a 13 year relationship with my spouse…trying to keep him happy -as I jumped through each hoop, and walked across eggshells, the next cycle would demand more….

  6. Sara

    This has inspired me I have been involved with a narcissist for sometime and I too am a sensitive , with very little self esteem left, I tried to fix him but know now that will never happen gave him all my love gave him all of me unfortunately , I too like Karen tried to wrap my around what it is he is and or is doing for me. But your post has given me hope that maybe, just maybe there will be a life after all of this

  7. Dee

    Thank you so much for reminding me that there is life after the narcissist. I am in the process of divorcing him. I am 61 and thought that I had found my true partner. The dream became a nightmare after 4 years. It’s comforting to know that you are not crazy…just in a relationship with a person who makes an art form out of crazymaking.

    1. Karen

      Dee, 56 and going through a divorce also with a narcissist. Was married to preacher/pilot sociopath for 4 1/2 years before our separation. He found other supplies. Sent all our savings and retirement to “6” different 419 Nigerian scams. Had “amazing” chat sex with Nigerian men pretending to be women for over a year! Totally mind boggling! I tried “fixing” him! My biggest mistake of my life! A year and a half later I am still trying to make heads or tails out of him but my rational mind has no answer for the irrational, illogical, immoral that makes him what he is. Good luck and many blessings!

  8. Excellent piece. One of my favorite songs too. I sing a pretty friggin’ good version of it myself, if I must say, and I must. Thanks for sharing this. It always helps to read the stories of others who are kind, decent people who, almost because of that, have been traumatized by shit-bags who try to suck them dry and offer nothing but punches to the soul in return. Thanks again for the post.

    1. Kim Saeed

      It’d be oh, so cool if you changed the lyrics a bit to conform to a future blog post and included a link for your dedicated followers 🙂 I’ve been rather partial to your Ken Ham pieces…

      Thank you for the encouragement.

      1. Might just do that. Leonard Cohen wrote about 30 stanzas to that song. I’m sure he wouldn’t mind if I wrote one or two about Ken Ham and the Creationist Museum and inserted them somewhere. Of course, I’d have to send a copy to Ken Ham. Wouldn’t want him to miss out on it.

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