Narcissism: Dating a Somatic Narcissist
Guest post by Jade @ DoPersonality Test
On one level, somatic narcissists are the most obvious to spot because they take pride in their personal appearance. In the case of my own somatic narcissist, he was very much into going to the gym and wearing fashionable outfits. At the time I was living in Dubai – a place which is full of people who care about their looks and who follow a high maintenance style of dress. However, I think it would be wrong to conclude that every person who makes a particular effort to take care of their personal appearance is a narcissist. You have to observe much more closely to get confirmation of their narcissism.
What surprised me about my somatic narcissist was that he pursued me for months which mislead me to think he had serious intentions and that he was really into me. He seemed to be extremely keen to date me and regularly offered to take me out different places, which most of the time I declined. I wasn’t looking for casual dating experiences and I was in no rush to have a boyfriend, but still, he wouldn’t give up the chase.
During those times when I did meet up with him for a date, we’d go out and he’d tell me how great he’d been to his ex-girlfriend and how despite what an amazing boyfriend he was to her, she took advantage of him. He’d also tell me how great he was in bed and how much he enjoyed having sex at least five times a day when he had a girlfriend. He spoke a really good game but still, I picked up mixed messages from him: I couldn’t quite put my finger on it but something about him gave me doubts at the level of intuition.
Ultimately, however, I ignored my intuition and did end up in his bed. I have read that somatic narcissists are supposed to be great lovers, but that was not my own experience. For him, sex was nothing else than a body function – like burping or farting. He just wanted to climax as quickly as possible and be done with it. There was no sense connection in the sexual act and it was completely lacking in any eroticism.
Not only was this a disappointment, but it also came as a big surprise after all his creative storytelling I had listened to for months! I had been expecting fireworks and sexual acrobatics, and what I had got was the worst ever sex of my whole life!
My heart was by no means broken after my experience with my somatic narcissist, though I did feel stupid for ignoring my intuition. What I learned from my experience was that even if a guy really does seem like he likes you and says all the right things, it’s much more important to listen to what your feelings are telling you. All along my feelings were telling me something doesn’t quite add up here.
Following our sexual encounter, it might be the case that we both just lost interest in each other. He had made his conquest, and I realized that he was definitely not the right guy for me. From time to time, weeks and even months later, he would emerge reaching out his tentacles hoping to get more narcissistic supply from me. However, by that point, I was wise to his game and he stood no chance. The best thing to do was to simply block his pointless text messages.
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