Empaths, Narcissists, and Love
~ by Josh Schultz
Why do empaths attract narcissists? Narcissists depend on external validation. Empaths are tremendous healers, givers, and validators. On the surface, this may seem like a convenient story. But the underlying dynamics of each couple’s situation can be vastly different.
It is possible that an empath will agree, as a spirit, to a relationship with a narcissist in order to have a particular transformative experience, or to learn to say no. Every relationship is a continually shifting landscape of male and female energies, flowing with giving and taking, in each action, word, and caress.
We like to think that living from the heart, being totally in a space of love and affinity can only be good; that it can never be wrong or bad. But one must also truthfully ask themselves: is it balanced? Is it healthy? Unfortunately, the common undercurrent with many empaths is that we often heal others to our own detriment, which is very unhealthy.
Here is a funny question: when your healing energy goes to everyone else, and it becomes a demand, is it really a healing space any longer? Some of the best healers I have met know how to laugh at other people’s problems, and they know how to keep their healing information to themselves, and not heal everyone.
They know how to be senior in their own inner space and understand that people create problems to learn as spirits and that healing them, i.e., changing the energy affecting them, is not always appropriate.
One of the best things that empaths can do is to learn how to end healing agreements and stop healing everyone around them in a completely out of control fashion. This is what the psychic institutes teach.
The “out of control empath’s” essential problem is that they are giving away all of their healing information, and energy, to others to the point where they have none left for themselves; this does not effectively help people.
It creates karma.
So, creating a relationship with a narcissist is a great way for a spirit in a highly sensitive body to start to make positive changes in their life when it comes to seniority over their own space and healing energy. Someone has to teach empaths to say no. Someone has to show empaths where they are refusing to take responsibility for owning their seniority. Someone has to show empaths the pictures, and habits, they are stuck in that do not allow them to run their own control energy.
Ideally, it is a learning experience and the empath can change all of those behaviors, beliefs, and patterns, to create a different, and more validating, relationship; but without clairvoyant tools that can be very difficult.
We create through the pictures in our inner space as spirits. So if we don’t destroy the pictures limiting us – actually sit down in meditation and visualize those images exploding or decide to change our inner beliefs – then we will simply create the same situations over again, because the sub-conscious mind does not know any different.
It may sound patronizing to say this, but problems are simply spiritual opportunities in disguise. Of course it is hard to really believe that unless you have the right tools and can consistently use them to change situations. I would surmise that most women do not want to hear that their relationship space is a spiritual development space, or growth space, and that they may have to learn from different partners before they are mature enough to be with their ideal mate.
We like to believe that loving another means accepting them completely, even with all their faults; that we should love people for who they are, not for who we want them to be. But what happens when there is a large gap between who that person really can be, i.e., what they are deeply capable of as a spirit, and who they are in present time?
With narcissists the gap is really large. The out of control empath unconsciously says, “heal them.” But maybe it is better to teach that person. But do we know when it is appropriate to help someone change, or to heal them, or teach them?
Spirit has the ability to be completely neutral to human circumstance. So a person’s spirit may be learning a lot from being a narcissist in their lifetime. And it may not actually be appropriate for that person to change just yet. Can you see into their karma and communicate with them as a spirit as to what they actually want?
Can you see when validating where someone is capable, rather than who they are now, is healthy, rather than a form of control? And can you see whether that person is really ready to have that communication? If someone doesn’t want to change, then saying no, and moving on, may be the only healthy thing you can do.
I have clairvoyantly read many hundreds of people over the past several years, and I have seen most relationships being created purely from a space of unconscious karma. I recently read a woman who felt intensely conflicting feelings of love and despise for a man who was attracted to her; in this lifetime the man was a bumbling idiot, and she even said so. But in her past life she was deeply in love with him; she was completely stuck on that past life karma.
Another woman I read wondered whether she should contact a narcissist ex-boyfriend who was suspected of having killed several people, although it was never actually proven. And even another woman I read had an obsessive fantasy about wanting to be kidnapped that had its root in a very strange past life where she actually fell in love with her kidnapper.
The unconscious pull of karma can be incredibly potent. It is the level most people are creating their relationships at on the planet. So, being able to end your karma at will, and experience the immediate effects of doing so, is a very important tool to have. Most people today seem to have the idea that powerlessness, or lack of seniority, over your karma is inherently baked-in to it. However, when you have clairvoyant tools, this becomes a lie.
Empaths without tools are almost always stuck in healing agreements and healing games.
Ending karma is not about healing; it is about leveling the playing field back to a space of neutrality and free choice. Although one may receive a form of inner healing from ending karma, one can argue that the ability to end karma is actually senior to the ability to heal, because if you can end the karma then you can avoid the entire manifestation process in the first place.
The great thing about understanding the energetic intricacies of different situations, and having the clairvoyant tools to deal with them, is that in order to change your life you only need to do more meditation and energy work. You learn to create from the effortless space of the higher chakras.
And then, generally, the formula for life becomes 90% meditation, 10% action. I would tenuously suggest that if you are taking more than 10% action and not seeing the results you want then your inner space simply needs more work; and sometimes that can mean months of meditation. But when you create from the sixth and seventh chakras you need to take very little, and, many times, no external action.
The journey of people who identify as empaths, in today’s world, is to move from the second chakra, a space of sensuality, feeling, and body emotion, into the heart, and then into the sixth chakra – a clairvoyant space. For many people, this can take years.
In cases where we are having emotional trouble, or feeling stuck, it is often because there is a sub-conscious picture that we have fallen into and failed to see clearly. That is the task that these psychic institutes teach with so many different tools: how to destroy, i.e., transform, energy and get neutral to your pictures so that you can clear away all the past life junk, unconscious programming, healing agreements, limits, pain, and thousands of other things – so that you can actually be in your body as a spirit.
The ability to destroy a mental picture is the most fundamental way of changing your entire life.
I have seen a lot of highly sensitive people, empaths, – and people who live from their hearts – who have difficulty with destroying. One woman I read even recoiled at the suggestion that she destroy a simple flower. What inevitably happens with people who have no permission to destroy is twofold.
Firstly, they become completely programmed by other people’s control energies (because they have no self-permission to destroy those energies) and, secondly, they end up channeling other spirits to do the work of destroying for them, when they need to change. The problem with the latter is that it can easily turn into a recipe which can ruin a person’s entire life, and even future lifetimes.
Life is a dynamic process of creating and destroying.
So it makes sense to look at who you are, who you want to become, how you want to change, and what you want to experience through a relationship. Empaths, especially, need to define what they want to receive out of a relationship. Unfortunately, empaths can easily fall into the pit of losing their own sense of self when they are around a significant other.
An empath, and really anyone who is paying attention to their own inner space, needs a level of energetic separation from others that most people do not really understand. Our culture is great at teaching people how to lose their space, but outside of the psychic institutes there is very little usefully comprehensive information on how to actually have one’s space as a spirit in a body.
Most of our cultural fantasies about love boil down to losing oneself inside another, i.e., losing one’s space and seniority, doing anything for love, etc., rather than gaining more clarity and awareness over oneself as a spirit.
Love requires more than just affinity and karma to be successful; it requires incredibly clear communication, clear vision, and a myriad of inner tools and practical transformative spiritual information that can guide a couple along in their journey together – without which one is left with drama, games, and out of control transmedium energy.
As an empath, one must also be able to define, and stand by, the things that make one senior in one’s own space. What does that even mean? It means saying no to doing things you don’t actually want to do, i.e., being senior to guilt and cultural, or parental, programming that tells you what you are “supposed to do.” It means cutting out people from your life who are a net negative influence and ending enough karma with them so that they do not return.
It means spending years meditating. It means being responsible for running your own creative energy through your space and kicking everyone else out, even if it makes them mad that you are no longer healing them. It means saying no to the energy, people, and situations that do not validate you and saying yes to what does validate you.
The alternative is living off of karmic scripts, and unconscious pictures, programming, foreign control energy, and past life agreements – and delaying the inevitable work of destroying all those foreign pictures, and energies, in your inner space in some future lifetime.
Josh Schultz is a professional clairvoyant, author, and teacher. He works with clients in the San Francisco Bay Area and online. He teaches practical spiritual tools to change your life. Learn more about his work at http://thegroundingbook.com