A Letter from My Future Self as a Survivor of Narcissistic Abuse
~ by Amy L.
To My Present Self –
I know right now you feel scared and lost. The amount of pain you are in feels unbearable and you are scared to experience your feelings.
Right now you are afraid of the deep depression you think you may go into if you stop and allow yourself to grieve it all. I promise one day this will all make sense. You aren’t going through this in vain. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You will get there.
You have all the tools, remember to use them. Don’t use alcohol, work, or other lovers as a way to escape. Please have patience with yourself; your soul is going through a transition. Reach out and connect with people when you need help. You are worth it.
I promise the pain will lessen each day and that the worst of it is over. If you need to cry, let yourself cry…no matter where you are. Don’t hold back tears for other people’s comfort. Be open, don’t allow yourself to stay secluded in your pain.
Take the time to learn to trust your instincts again, they are beautiful. One day you will use this pain and turn it around. Remember how resilient you are.
Use where you are right now as a tool to further your empathy and compassion for others. Fall in love with yourself.
Remember who you are. Allow God to heal you. Don’t hide. Don’t say you are okay when you are not. It is brave to share. Stay in the arena. I know how bad it hurts right now. I know you thought you were their soulmate, special and different. I know believing in that seemed to soothe your childhood wounds that made you feel you were not lovable or important…and I know when they took your dreams away by revealing their mask that those wounds became deeper.
This is your chance to heal the mistaken beliefs you hold about yourself. I am sorry you had to be hurt so deeply to remember that healing these wounds is a part of your journey. Please know that karma is inevitable… and you need do nothing for justice to be served.
Please stop thinking that connecting to them will bring you closure. It won’t. They bank on keeping you uncertain and imbalanced so they can continue to take from you. Even if they have New Supply at the moment, their keeping you in a state of imbalance ensures that you’ll be around for back-up supply. Remember that. I know it hurts, but you have to be the one to never allow yourself to be manipulated again….
You are getting there, I promise. One day this will all make sense. Pray when you need to…and don’t give up…
Your Healed and Hopeful Future Self
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